I Found You

I will admit it

I was ready to give up

Settle for less

Just to be done

I was ready to live in an empty state

Ready to love someone I didn’t love for the rest of my life

Boy, what a mistake

 

I knew you the whole time

And I liked you in the back of my mind

from the start

But I refused to give up what I had my mind set on

I was determined to be done looking

I decided on the lesser to be done searching

 

I would twist things in my mind to make me like you less

And I would take rumors and nonsense spread

And use it to my advantage

Excuse to not like you

To not fall in love with you

 

I knew I had some feeling going on

I felt disloyal to the on I settled for

I felt like a cheater

So I distanced myself more

And I purposed to love the lesser

To forget the greater

 

 

You were the greater

You were the one I wanted from the start

But when you were taken I decided to just keep what I already knew I had

I shouldn’t have

I was just so sick of trying

Sick of aiming higher

When the arrow would just land low

 

I always heard to aim high so you don’t settle for less

But you just seemed too high

And like I said before

I gave up

I was defeated after my last breakup

I was too hurt to be broken again

 

But there I was again

Déjà vu

I reached a point where I didn’t know what to do

Other than give up completely

Drink my problems away

In apathy

I didn’t give a care anymore

I was hurt too much

I needed an escape

 

 

 

 

 

So I risked everything

And did I ever fail

I failed at my testimony

I lost it all

I lost you

And I left you

And now I am alone wishing I could just see you

Tell you in person how much I love you

Show you how much I care about you

 

But I can’t

I am enduring a trial of patience

It is so difficult to keep my head up

Hope is a hard thing for me to believe in

I have too many ups and downs

You told me to keep trying and to have faith

But I never told you these things

And I have a past in my heart

That is hard to depart

From

I would run

From God

From life

From reality

I refused to believe things that was as clear as water

So it all rushed through me

Hit every organ and left me bruised up

 

 

It was all my fault tho

I should’ve listened

I shouldn’t have settled

I shouldn’t have given up

And it this doesn’t work…

I don’t know what I will do.

But know that I love you

More than myself

I would give up anything

And I will do without

Forgive me if I doubt that you believe me when I say that

But I do

For you are my everything

And I only long for the day that I can put action to my words

And prove to you

How much I love you