You know something,

You can’t make people happy. No matter how much you may try, you will disappoint, anger, sadden,  and hurt people in life. The cards you play are not always right. More than not they are wrong. More than not they mess up your next move. More than not it makes moves harder for others. More than not others react and mess up your thought process to make a better move. To play with a good strategy and be tormented with an endless 

supply of bad thoughts is terrifying. It is stressful. 

I am at a loss for words as to why i am where i am in life. It really doesn’t matter what i do, i sew discord. It doesn’t matter what i say i offend. It doesn’t matter my what my opinion, stance, or conscience says it is wrong to others. I can never just do what i please without worrying about what another may say. I may never have the freedom and confidence to make a decision on my own without the opinion or ruling of another.

Opinions matter. I take tips in my play in this game called life. We all gamble. We all win, we all lose. We sometimes draw.

We make friends, we lose them. We gain trust and lose it. Love comes and goes. It flees in the time of pressure or loss.

It doesn’t matter the placement in a family. You are the bottom when it comes to an opinion. You are wrong, you are right. We always have to have the last word.

When will it end? Fighting all the time. Drama feeds on our words. Words dig into the flesh and soul of another and hurt them. Causing grudges you may never return from.

I will never have the last word. I will never have the first. I state my peace and cry as it never goes my way. Others get in and mix up emotions. My emotions are dry. I have nothing left to say. I am done. I tried. I wanted more, but i now see i will never get more. I give up. I surrender. I have forever lost this fight. So leave me alone. I am happy with the cards i have, but my opponent fails to acknowledge. I feel like i must decide which to play next. I feel pressured into playing a certain way, but my heart and gut tells me not to! Can i please play in peace?!! Can i play on my own. With your encouragement and happiness for me. I am in a rut, but success is on the way and you must stress my hands more. I cry. I wept. Shared words that i never should have, but now it is too late. I say too much.

You know too much. I can never trust anyone with the truth of what i possess in my mind because they will use it against me. Learning my moves then saying how it will and won’t work. Let me find out. I want to deal my own hand! I want to take control of my turn. My play. My cards. My life!

I don’t want my opponents to leave. I love them. But they are making it hard for me to involve them in my game. They make it hard for me to share with them my thoughts on my hand, for if i do somehow i end up giving up cards that i wished to keep. It’s pointless to talk, to explain. That is when people hurt people. That is when the dagger leaves the sleeve and one cuts another. Don’t speak. Let the anger escape. Vent it out. And be quiet. Let us play a quiet game.


The Fire

sticks and limbs gathered together

placed out of the place

but then formed the fire



false fires

lies blow the flames,

the fire grew

burning the surrounding grounds

dirt thrown in layers to extinguish before disaster

the smoldering ashes remained, BUT STILL


stoking it more

ever more will it grow

the fire rekindles

rekindling the fire that should’ve never remained

but too short a time it ceases yet again

never to be sparked again!



the fire is dead

Time For Me To Fly…

This is where I begin. 

This is where we end

Cease fire

Hold back


Pull the trigger.



Blown opportunity.

I told you to back off!

I said to respect my decision!

I said respect my heart’s desires. 

Understand where my happiness lies,

And what do you do???



Blow up.


Yes. You assassinated

Any relationship we had gained back

Just leave me alone

Don’t talk to me.

I can’t even look at you, I can’t even talk to you

I can’t even think about you!!

I will blow a fuse.

Say exactly what I don’t mean,

Lose my testimony.

Lose my dignity and maturity.

I was the bigger person.

Not you.

Age is nothing but a number. Don’t be so ignorant.


Think I don’t know what you think?

I heard enough. And I still cut it short.

I heard it all, and you never finished your thoughts.

You think little before you speak, same as I.

But the difference is I left just in time.

I won’t be coming back for a while.

This time you couldn’t make me leave,

I left by choice, because​your words stabbed me

I had to go to my hospital.

My love.

Who actually loved me enough to mend hurt and pain.

I don’t need you.

This is where I begin.

This is where we end!

My Independence shall glow up

My Independence shall glow up!

My dependency falls by the wayside,

And we part ways.

Stay on your side.

Don’t come in my Lane.

Stay away from me, keep your mouth to yourself.

Focus on your own problems

Worry about your own life.

Leave me be.

It’s time for me to fly…

I Pray

I pray for the ones who are missing a piece

A piece in their heart that nothing can replace

The hurt that comes from verbal abuse

And the hurt that comes from the peer pressure
At that age they should’ve never heard those things

At that age they should’ve never seen those times

At that age they should’ve been protected and loved

Held close and told everything was alright

And nothing would last forever

That they were beautiful, not ugly

That they were perfect and not fat
Why is it that kids these days grow up into these calloused adults that continue to spread hate?

I am glad that some are strong enough to forget the past

I am thankful that I never had that past

I am grateful for the God who comforts the souls who continue to hurt each day, for the rest of their lives
Some people truly believe everything they hear except the truth!

Ignore the true.

Believe the lies

Negative, believe it.

Positive, mock it.

This world is a messy place. 

I pray it ends soon.

The Common Bad

​How is it the thorns of the vine 

Are greater than the fruit

Far more important than the seeds of life

Far more abundant than riches of heavenly things.
I am choked and dry heaving 

On temporary things relieving

A craving

Please uphold Your spirit within me to surpass the common good!
The common good has become all too common

The common good has become all too bad.

The common good is nothing but bad.

Anything but good.

Lusts… the common bad.

Common man, sinful and deceitful.

And the cares of this world, the desires

They deceive even the greatest of deceivers.

We are receivers of our own deceit.
The common bad.

Liars to ourselves.

Thinking the common good is what we want,

We have misunderstood,

Snakes have lured us in.

Water moccasins

Cotton mouths

Sneaky Liars

Lord restore within me anything but the common good. 

Anything but the common bad.

I don’t want anything common…

Give me a peculiar name.

The abnormal anomaly

Let me be an anomaly.

Alien to the common.

Because the common is the majority

And the majority follows.
Help me, Lord, see that being abnormal is normal in Your eyes.

And Your eyes are the only eyes i need to care about to be satisfied.

To be happy.

To be Yours.

Break The Chain


Trying to get back up to pace
Nothing is the way it was
And I’m trying to use the present to erase
The past
It is haunting me
It doesn’t last
The peace I wish I had
I don’t understand
Why do I have these problems?
I have had a privileged life
But yet I hold regret and pain inside
I should let it go
But I won’t
And I don’t understand
I hold things closely
I ponder things so deeply
I sense things so strongly
I wish I had a better mind
I would think of better things at night
And insomnia would be one less thing I would have to fight
And I wish I had a better tongue
I would use it better towards everyone
My mouth would pour out positivity
And I would be more of a happy somebody
Pessimism is my character trait
Perhaps it could be my middle name
If I could keep my hopes up high and my head down low
I would be optimistic and avoid the punches that reality throws
Because honestly,
Reality is what makes so me so pessimistic
The truth hurts
And I am brutally honest
I can’t help but see the facts
When that little girl wants so bad to be a princess
Why would I keep feeding that when at some point she will know and be heartbroken
She will wonder why does everyone call me a princess when I am not rich
I do have royal clothes or a palace
Its a hoax sweetheart
And you have been led on to keep believing it
We wonder
why are more and more people depressed
Why are more and more people angry towards life and everyone around them??
Its because the people who are supposed to protect them
Lead them to a ditch and drop them tell them a lie
Hoping to satisfy
Their needs of childhood memories
And happy endings
But then it hits them
In the face
In the heart
Cuts them deep
Until they can’t bleed
I don’t understand why its like this
A circle of the same traits we all pass down to our children
Break the chain!
Start a new trend!
This isn’t some robotic place we live in
Don’t follow the status quo
Be your own
And then the world will be a better place…


There is freedom in music.
Music is an escape.
The cadence to the ears that gives one peace,
Like a drug – for therapy.
Six strings strummed,
And a melodic hum,
Work as a blanket on a cold day,
Warming the soul in a magical way.

There is freedom in poetry.
Another way of escape is by writing.
Anything from love to hate,
Regret and sorrowful remembrance,
To happiness and forgiveness.
The topics are endless.
The only limit is creativeness.

There is freedom in sleep.
An escape when one is weak.
(Exhaustion from the world)
The brutal reality, that stabs us when we aren’t looking.
Things too real are my enemy;
So I cherish what is fake,
Because the truth is hard to follow.
My throat closes up before the pill can be swallowed,
But my eyes and my ears,
They pry my mouth open
And force the proof down my throat,
As if it were a garbage disposal.
I gag hoping to throw up
The poison shoved in to my gut.
Yes. The poison is truth.
And the truth is like poison.
This is why we run from it.
Making excuses of it and hiding it.
The truth exposes insecurities;
The truth exposes reality.
Reality is what we hate to see.
This is why we stay submerged in all things technology.
But what we fail to realize is It’s the poison.
technology is the deadly tool we think is freedom.
Oh yeah. Well it is freedom.
Freedom full of lies –
A tool of the Prince to be a disguise;
To blind our eyes from the truth beyond the sky.
We are too caught up in things we carry around.
How about we look around
To see what can be done
To see what we’ve become.
A generation caught up in pleasure
Not focused on pleasing the maker…

There is freedom in truth
Its true that we all want proof
But is portraying lies what we really want to do?
Living a lie is unnecessary
For lies are told everyday
We see it on TV
and by the words we say.
We wonder when will it stop?
It will never stop.
Not until the end has begun
And the lies will be proven wrong
And truth will overcome.

There is freedom in expectation;
Anticipating the coming;
Hoping and longing
For the coming of the King.
There is freedom in the salvation He brings.