Grey Space

Think deep

 

Long and hard

 

Imagine.

That you are in a grey space, nothing but time can fill

And even time, can not even fill this space.

It is never ending.

 

This space is your mind.

 

Now take this space and fill it.

With actions every day.

But not just any daily occurrence, but only the hurt and pain you been through.

 

Fill this space, your mind, this time with only the most hurtful moments in your life.

 

Anytime you were bullied, verbally or physically,

Anytime you were backstabbed.

Lied to.

Fired from a job.

Homeless… anything in your life that you wish never happened,

You wish you could redo it over.

Anything that breaks your heart to the point of the most deepest sorrow…

 

Now imagine, a small square about the size of a penny in this space.

This very large never ending space of pure hell…

 

That penny size square is all the happiness you can think of in your life.

Now, you know that penny is much bigger, but in your mind, in this space you are trapped in it appears so small..

 

Welcome to my mind.

 

The place that i cannot think of anything happy,

The space that i cannot think of anything to be thankful for because i cannot see past the negativity in my life.

 

I cannot see past the bad spots,

The jealousy,

The hurt,

The change of everything in life.

 

I dont even recognize myself anymore,

I dont know what to do with myself.

 

With no desire to live but no motivation to end life, i live in this space, and waste time.

Just waiting for the day that it all ends….

 

Advertisements

How Can It Be?

How can it be that i am still not on top

On top of life

On top of myself

 

How can it be that i am dead last

Everyone has passed

Lap after lap

 

How can it be i am never understood

Maybe because no one could possibly relate to my pain

 

My heartache is only my own,

Sometimes i wonder if ever God can understand…

 

So how can it be that i am so alone?

Despite the loneliness i know i have someone here.

 

I have my God, and my husband.

But why do i still feel this way?

 

How can it be that i feel like the only person in the world

Even tho there are millions of people here

Even tho i pass hundreds daily….

 

How can it be?