When can I have fun?
When will it be I am the one who goes out with friends??
I’m lonely and not even looking for a friend.
What is the point?
Just so they can hurt me against and again?
Just so I can think we will be best of friends and it will never end?
What a lie.
Why would I lie to myself, that will never happen.
No one thinks I meet their standards.
I’m not cool enough.
But it’s whatever,
Let me drown in a sea of hopelessness
Let me suffocate in a lonely estate.
I have a mate and a companion,
But it doesn’t even matter.
If it did, I wouldn’t feel this way.
I want to feel
To FEEL important
Not just be told, but to believe.
I want someone to express their love for me constantly
Maybe that’s annoying
Maybe even rediculous…
I am rediculous
I am weird
I am a needy insecure person
That is who I am
And I am not changing anytime soon.
Why should I?
It’s not like changing for people has helped this far…
It’s not like puting myself last in situations helped much.
When can I have fun??
I want to live and be able to go out with friends,
Party, eat, be merry and play..
Not in a bad way,
I never said I would whore around,
I wouldn’t even venture to drink, smoke or do drugs…
I just want innocent fun.
Innocent trips to the beach, park, skating, bowling, shopping, eating, you know…
People my age make.
I can cry but no one heard or sees me,
So what’s the point anymore.
I am tired of wasting my emotions.
I feel I am reaching an emotionless state.
Is that bad?
Well, if it is, so sad.