Take This Heart of Mine

You take me to a different place

Your smile leaves me in a daze

Your eyes

They are so great

Beautiful

Different

Full

Genuine

You are everything I need and more babe

I love you from the bottom to the top

From now til the end of time

From here to the end of space

Forever and ever you are mine

And I am yours

I surrender to the love you grant me

I give my heart to you completely

Its broken to pieces from all of the stitching

But you can hold it

Even tho it was thrown over the edge not too long ago

You can sew it

Even tho it was ripped apart two months ago

You can mend it

Even tho its been scarred up so many a time

You can grow it

Even tho its been dormant from all of the lies

You can make it

I know you will do just fine

Because with your words of love you’ve proven to me time after time

That you do love me

And  you really mean it

You truly want me

And I cant believe it

I have found true love

And it has found me

When I thought I had it before

It was fools gold

And it tricked me

The fools gold lied

The fools gold betrayed

The fools gold will not prosper

For much longer

It will be traded

To a melting pot

To be burned and scorched

Tried for its pretense

And destroyed forevermore

But as for this true beauty I found

This gem I call my love

This diamond in the rough

That will never be replaced

You are irreplaceable

You are hardly imaginable

You are my knight in shining armor

My safety in the darkness

My hero in the night

You make everyday bright

You are my bright and morning star

You are my sunshine

You are my life

I love you so very much

But do you love me?

Do you accept this token?

This heart of mine?

I give it all to you.

Free.

No charge.

Only that you give me yours too

That you hold me forever

Love me til you cant any longer

Express your heart at every possible moment

And loyalty that will never diminish

Baby I love you

More than myself

What you feel I feel

When you hurt I hurt

When you cry I cry

When you laugh I laugh

When you smile I smile

Baby.

I am.

Yours.

Jean.

I am yours.

Handsome J

I am forever yours.

Will you be mine forever?

If so.

Here.

Take this heart of mine

Its broken

But its all I have left to give to you

And I hope you cherish it.

I Found You

I will admit it

I was ready to give up

Settle for less

Just to be done

I was ready to live in an empty state

Ready to love someone I didn’t love for the rest of my life

Boy, what a mistake

 

I knew you the whole time

And I liked you in the back of my mind

from the start

But I refused to give up what I had my mind set on

I was determined to be done looking

I decided on the lesser to be done searching

 

I would twist things in my mind to make me like you less

And I would take rumors and nonsense spread

And use it to my advantage

Excuse to not like you

To not fall in love with you

 

I knew I had some feeling going on

I felt disloyal to the on I settled for

I felt like a cheater

So I distanced myself more

And I purposed to love the lesser

To forget the greater

 

 

You were the greater

You were the one I wanted from the start

But when you were taken I decided to just keep what I already knew I had

I shouldn’t have

I was just so sick of trying

Sick of aiming higher

When the arrow would just land low

 

I always heard to aim high so you don’t settle for less

But you just seemed too high

And like I said before

I gave up

I was defeated after my last breakup

I was too hurt to be broken again

 

But there I was again

Déjà vu

I reached a point where I didn’t know what to do

Other than give up completely

Drink my problems away

In apathy

I didn’t give a care anymore

I was hurt too much

I needed an escape

 

 

 

 

 

So I risked everything

And did I ever fail

I failed at my testimony

I lost it all

I lost you

And I left you

And now I am alone wishing I could just see you

Tell you in person how much I love you

Show you how much I care about you

 

But I can’t

I am enduring a trial of patience

It is so difficult to keep my head up

Hope is a hard thing for me to believe in

I have too many ups and downs

You told me to keep trying and to have faith

But I never told you these things

And I have a past in my heart

That is hard to depart

From

I would run

From God

From life

From reality

I refused to believe things that was as clear as water

So it all rushed through me

Hit every organ and left me bruised up

 

 

It was all my fault tho

I should’ve listened

I shouldn’t have settled

I shouldn’t have given up

And it this doesn’t work…

I don’t know what I will do.

But know that I love you

More than myself

I would give up anything

And I will do without

Forgive me if I doubt that you believe me when I say that

But I do

For you are my everything

And I only long for the day that I can put action to my words

And prove to you

How much I love you

Ever So Often

I don’t know what to say anymore.

I feel constantly heartbroken and depressed,

Happy and in love,

Then heartbroken and depressed.

 

Life is full of ups and downs but how is it possible to have more downs than ups?

 

My valley is getting deeper.

Darker.

More alone.

More distant.

I don’t know how to stop this.

Five people will try to pull me up and make little progress, then one person can come and blow the slightest and i am further than when they started.

I just want to be able to help myself.

I want to be strong. What people need me to be. For myself. For them. For God…

 

I say i don’t want much in life, but it seems as tho the one thing that i desperately want right now is so much.

Too much in fact.

Too much to deliver.

I will be patient for it because i don’t have a choice, but i fear that this valley i am in is the only thing keeping me from my desire.

 

I beg for God to relieve me of this hunger.

To strip away my desire for this one thing…

But to no avail.

Is this a test?

Have i been forgotten?

I feel as tho i will never be heard.

 

The ceiling is so thick that He will never hear me cry.

The altar is a place my pride withholds me, but i go but ever so often to weep and feel You.

Where were You tonight?

A stranger held me close when i felt most alone.

Was she You in disguise?

She said “if you ever need to talk then call me…”

 

Those words could’ve been metaphorically You.

You say to talk to You, but i have given up and lost hope, for when i do i don’t hear anything but myself…

Please.

Talk to me!

I feel so alone right now and i need You with me 😦

Not even my husband comforts me anymore.

I long for Your presence.

I want peace.

I want Your peace.

Not from man.

I don’t want to go to man anymore for advice and comfort.

Only You.

Strictly You.