What is Love?

We all want to know what love is. what it feels like, what it looks like, what it smells like, and even what it sounds like.

All our senses kick in when we think about love.

what is love?

is love honesty?

Someone hurting you by letting you know you are a bitch and you need help. that you are bipolar and need medication. or maybe that you are depressed with anxiety and need a Xanex. maybe you are too sensitive and need to toughen up. you need to grow up, act your age… you know, those talks to better you…

those talks people give to someone who is always in trouble. always insecure and crying, so they find it necessary to tell us what we need to do and how we need to do it. helpful talks, yes, but is it really what we need in those dark times? is that love?

is love positivity?

is love ignoring the pain someone is going through and being rediculously positive. always laughing and smiling. the opposite of honesty. lying and saying it is all ok and you are fine… you dont need help, you just need to get out and get your mind off things. yeah, that does help! but only about 30 minutes, because the whole time you are out to forget things and relax you are exhausting your mind to forget and relax! the whole reason you get out is to relax, forget, and enjoy life and you do the opposite because you try so hard to accomplish those things. everything you do is harder than it should be. only because you make it hard. not intentionally! but you cant help it… you overthink everything and the harder you try not too, the more you overthink! so the anxiety kicks in, even when you are out for a coffee with a friend.

is love a person?

we hear that God is love, but what is love you cant feel? what if you tried your whole life to feel God but you never have. you never heard Him, you never seen Him… you know he is there because that is all you have ever known but you cant help but doubt because you never had that one on one “thing”. God is supposed to be personal, but i never had that personal connection, so i am left believing love could be a person. is it your mother? father? brother, sister, friend, lover, husband, wife? tell me…

is it that person you want to much to please. you want them to be happy with you. smile at you constantly and tell you how they appreciate you so much. that even tho you are nothing and dont meet any standards, you are perfect in their eyes. you have the perfect everything for THEM. you want to meet their needs and standards, and you try so hard to make them see you but they dont. yeah, they see you… but not your emotions. not your heart. not your desires. and most of the time when you show all these things, they are still blind to see everything there is about you. so you are left feeling alone.

I want to have love inside me. but i find myself wanting to give up constantly. i have always had love around me, but i have such a hard time actually accepting it and believing it is real! i may sound crazy, and i dont expect anyone to understand, because, lets face it, no one wants to understand anything that is difficult to understand. why try to understand anything if it doesnt make sense.

it truly is a miserable world when you think no one understands you. and whether they try or not, they just dont. they dont get it. you want to make everyone happy with you. when someone isnt happy with you it hurts you so deep. if someone talks about you badly, it hurts you so deep! if you ever let someone down, you hurt. when you make a mistake, you are scared to face it. you want perfection. they say all you see is this fairytale life, and that nothing is perfect… but all you ever known is perfect. you grew up not knowing how the world really is, and now that you see it unraveling every day before your eyes, you panic and wonder how did it come to this!? where is the love?? what is love?

 

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Back in the Beginning

You can’t always follow your heart, for it leads to destruction.

However, I followed mine,and it lead to happiness and love.

Still protected, still held close, my heart is big enough, yet taken for granted.

I give and give, piece by piece,

To be kept forever.

“Forgive and forget”, “turn the other cheek”,

“Remember what God did for you and do the same, for where would you be without His forgiving name?” No shame, no shame, 

No pain no gain,

Take all the blame.

Love everything and everyone the same.

Want to gain a friend?

Take a risk.

Want to gain trust?

Take the punch.

Want to gain freedom?

Leave all you ever known.

And I once again, I am, back in the beginning.

Queen Bee

she sits on her throne

high and mighty

never over thrown

seemly mighty

 

lies and deception

thats her romance

her lover to be?

the next decision.

 

her organized payments

raising the charge

and requiring more

of the worker bees yards

 

she thirsts for more honey

the worker bees

breaking their backs

lending their wings

taking stings

they say “What does this bring?!”

desperation rings

causing ridiculous flings

the hive as a whole

continually down grading

but nature will forever sing

long may she live, the queen bee

The Cure

alive and well is the beast in this land

this cursed land, in which we dwell.

ignorance is bliss, we say

but the knowledge of such danger is necessity.

 

preying and feasting

on all the living and breathing,

no matter what

we hold ourselves accountable.

 

when we face the beast and lose all our strength

“where is the hand?” we say,

when things don’t go our way.

when trials come,

desperation seeks

for the risen help our souls need.

but shall it grant the favor?

bestow grace on the ungrateful fakes?

God help us.

lord have mercy on us

for asking in time of need,

but giving a blind eye,

turning the cold shoulder

when life is just fine…

we all deserve the worst.

hell at its finest is all too good for me.

i deserve the bottom of the pit

even when it cant be reached.

i should go there.

dwell there.

 

i deserve the worst.

but then came the blood!

thicker than any other!

stronger than any antidote!

the Cure.

the thing that saves…

 

the desperate and wicked,

this cure is the salvation of the beast

and his venom.

the poison it injects in each and every victim…

but i wont be that victim any longer!

 

for the blood that was spilt offered me more than a death sentence!

but a life sentence!

to freedom in eternal love,

and hope,

peace and joy.

 

the one thing that the beast is vulnerable,

the Blood

the Cure.

Eraser

a blank page is set

then comes a sketch

one, line, then another

and mistakes shaded over

some mistakes cant be fixed, only erased

may the artist make the best of what they create

not all faults are to be embellished

stop creating

start erasing

for the blank page has its limits

one fatal mishap then shall the picture be forever scarred

lines

even the eraser fails to relinquish

could it be the eraser should meet its match?

could it be defeated by even the smallest scratch?

Greater Reason

A fruit stays ripe only for a moment in time, 

Before it rots and turns to a darkened slime.

The rode stays bright and crisp for a while,

But soon fades away and falls to the ground, 

Petal by petal, til nothing stands.

We as humans are no more than fruit

Provide seeds, the rotting away.

Keeping the species replenished and active.

But inside we are dormant.

Dead and nothing but a shell.

Flesh with a soul, an empty soul only one thing can fill..

We can’t buy this thing. 

Only believe it to be true,

And one day when our bodies rot and fade away,

As we will we see the light at the end

We know then,

It’s true…

This repetitive life we live as a rose,

Is possible because of a Greater reason.

Time For Me To Fly…

This is where I begin. 

This is where we end

Cease fire

Hold back

Clip

Pull the trigger.

Blow.

Blown.

Blown opportunity.

I told you to back off!

I said to respect my decision!

I said respect my heart’s desires. 

Understand where my happiness lies,

And what do you do???

Ignore.

Boom.

Blow up.

Immancipate

Yes. You assassinated

Any relationship we had gained back

Just leave me alone

Don’t talk to me.

I can’t even look at you, I can’t even talk to you

I can’t even think about you!!

I will blow a fuse.

Say exactly what I don’t mean,

Lose my testimony.

Lose my dignity and maturity.

I was the bigger person.

Not you.

Age is nothing but a number. Don’t be so ignorant.

Dummy.

Think I don’t know what you think?

I heard enough. And I still cut it short.

I heard it all, and you never finished your thoughts.

You think little before you speak, same as I.

But the difference is I left just in time.

I won’t be coming back for a while.

This time you couldn’t make me leave,

I left by choice, because​your words stabbed me

I had to go to my hospital.

My love.

Who actually loved me enough to mend hurt and pain.

I don’t need you.

This is where I begin.

This is where we end!

My Independence shall glow up

My Independence shall glow up!

My dependency falls by the wayside,

And we part ways.

Stay on your side.

Don’t come in my Lane.

Stay away from me, keep your mouth to yourself.

Focus on your own problems

Worry about your own life.

Leave me be.

It’s time for me to fly…

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