The Color Is No Longer Grey

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I’ve seen a lot in life.
from beautiful sunsets to pain and strife.
I have been hurt.
I have been comforted.
I have been remembered.
I have been forgotten.
I have been loved.
I have been hated.
But most of all I’ve been traded.
traded by one who said they loved me.
fed to the wolves.
he no longer wants me.
I have been given to the devil.
demons have oppressed me for years
and I was convinced they are my only friends I have near
the color I knew had faded all away
no longer rainbows and sunlight
only gloomy and cloudy days
color turned to grey
black and white
and all the shades intertwined
I was incarcerated in depression
and I didn’t know why
I couldn’t move past the fact that my lover left me
I should’ve seen it coming
no one stays
everyone strays
loyalty is a forgotten trait
this world is full of one-night-stays
and I would stay up late
insomnia controlled my body
darkness was becoming my longing
I hated light and all that was there in
it was all to happy for me
being as depressed as I said I am
I was drowning in a pool of despair
a lake of pain
a sea of heartache
an ocean of scorched feelings
calloused had formed from all of the mental beatings
I was numb
I was done
love doesn’t exist i had confirmed
until I met you
until I found you
and you took me in
you held me tight
you gave me hope after I had lost all sight
I believed that love was a fairy tale
it was just another dream that couldn’t be real
and now love is all I feel
I feel high like a cloud
light like a feather
and I’m floating in the air I cant come down now
like a kite in the air you have control of me
you have taken my heart and ran
leading me to the sky
in happiness I now abide
a smile that has yet to leave my face
ever since our meeting place
if you were to ever leave me
I don’t know what I would do
life would not be worth living without you
you make me laugh
and dry my tears when I cry
you are more genuine than I can say
and your spirit lights my way
you make me look forward to another day
If it wasn’t too soon I know what I would say to you
that I love you
and I would die for you
and I would kill for you
and I would go through anything for you
as if you were me
I wish that you are always happy
I know the pain you’ve been through
and I know the scars you have on you
the burdens and pain from your past
you havent let them go
and you wont take them back
but lay them on me
let me take them from you
I will hold your weights so you can be free
all the tears
I will swallow them
all the cuts
I will sew them
all the lies
I will solve them
and all the sicknesses
I will cure them
the color that I had once before in my eyes has returned
I can see truth and love I’ve never seen before
I am no longer grey
and I hope you are here to stay

Schizophrenia

Poems

A part of me says to my human ears,
“I wonder how she grows prettier everyday!
Seems so implausible, I know but perhaps
a beholder’s perception can evolve to be
more sensitive to her human beauty!”

Then, waking up, the rest screams at my godly soul,
“I’d have been selfish tonight, if I had the means;
none the options I have in my hand seems
good enough for a timid man like me!”,
in the background the earlier voice drowns in the scream.

In the end, yet another existence
appears out of nowhere to steal the scene
forcing me to resign to fitful bouts of sleep.

I wake up at first light with no memories of the dream…

.

.


* Lovely Conversations 22


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My Poems

Poems

My poems are like whispers of a Devil, sublime –
too many cynical words with no decent rhyme,
weaving treason against the emptiness within
your wretched life as hollow as an apparent dream.
Each one is like a fang of my virulent thoughts,
with urgings to see through yourself to find the Naught,
dripping poison of frustration into your blood –
my poems are metered for both your brain and the heart.

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Why I Write

So you wonder why I write?
Well I will tell you all about it tonight.
I will tell you
Why I have a blog for poetry
And why I write it on paper before typing
I will tell you why every poem I have I post
And alongside that I will explain what party I will host
You will hear that my favorite app is called WordPress
Easy and quick to upload my rhymes from my creativeness
You will learn why I play my guitar everyday
And why Call Of Duty is one of my favorite games to play
Why potatoes make me sick
And why I can easily get carsick
Potatoes and peas alone will make me want throw up
But mix them together and I’m guaranteed to upchuck.
Just some random stuff about me I will tell you tonight
And when I’m through speaking you will find out why I write.

Finding James (Short Story – completed)

Short Story: Finding James
Finding James (Part 1)
Debris surrounded the home. What was left of the home, anyway. The whole suburb had been leveled, with few survivors. Of the survivors was a girl named Carly. Carly and her family; which consisted of her, her mother Anne and older brother, Josh. Her father and youngest sister had been crushed under the stubble of their fallen home. They all knew the time would come when a foreign country would attack. But why now? Carly wondered as she pushed pieces of brick off her bloodied legs. Her mother whimpered as stood. Dusty from limb to limb. Carly just stared in the distance thinking of her friend. His name was James, and she had known him her whole life. She always had deep feelings for him, but he never seemed to noticed. Carly relented the fact that James had been in and out of relationships because he just wanted love. She wanted to just scream in his face that she loved him, but she wasnt like that. He needed to come to her. But now that the whole neighborhood seemed to be flattened she couldn’t help but think about looking for him. Her mother would never allow it. She wasnt allowed to ever go off by herself, why now? But she was about to. Carly walked over to her brother. He looked at her, face dirty as if he was in a coal mine. ”I am going to look for James, keep mom safe.” As Carly began to walk off Josh grabbed her arm. ”Where do you think you’re going? Do you not realize what happened?” Carly was taken off-guard by his response. Usually he was the one who disobeyed their mom’s wishes to fulfill his desires. Carly had always respected her parents, and she never flirted with anything that her parents wouldn’t approve of. Now here she was, for the first time planning to disobey, and Josh was going to stop her? ”I need to see if he is alright, and i know that mom won’t be ok with it, but i will be fine. Just leave me be, and keep mom calm.” Josh let go of her arm. ”be careful” he replied. Carly hugged him, looked in the distance, and started off to find James.
Finding James (Part 2)
The sky was overcast and it started to rain. Carly hated being rained on, but it was the last thing on her mind. She stepped on something and realized it was her neighbor, Mr. Wellington. He was never nice to her. She remembered when she was a kid she accidentally kicked a soccer ball into his yard, and he practically reamed her for it. But she still had respect for the dead. She regretted not seeing where she was walking, and stepped over him, to continued her journey, but noticed a noise. It was a cry. A man’s cry. she began following the noise, and found where it was coming from. Underneath a wall from a house. Carly couldn’t walk away, but didn’t know what to do. she walked around the square and saw an opening. ”Hello?” the crying stopped. ”Please help me!” She recognized the voice. it was the psychotic man who lived around the corner. He reached his hand out from under the wall. ”Pull me!” Carly reached for him and grabbed his arm. His hand was swollen and purple. obviously broken. ”AHHH!” he screamed. ”I’m sorry” it was all Carly could say as she dragged him out. As more and more of his body became visible she wondered how he was still breathing. His legs, from his knees down, were completely severed, and the rest was swollen and gory. The man whimpered and gritted his teeth in pain. Carly knew he wouldn’t live much longer. his blood loss was too great. She saw in the distance was a metal spear-shaped pole, and she knew what to do. rather than walk off leaving the poor man to suffer, she would make it easier on him. ”Just close your eyes. It will be okay.” the man followed her directions, and sniffled. Carly grabbed the metal shard and walked over to lunge it in his heart. blood spewed out and the man took one final breath before going limp.
Finding James (part 3)
Carly had walked over three miles, and James only lived a mile away. she had spent hours looking under all the piles of brick. Everything seemed surreal. Like a war scene of a sci-fi movie. Carly noticed out of her peripheral James’s car. it was overturned and crunched in. She ran over to it to see if he might be in it. Of all the damage done to the car, The windows hadn’t been broken completely. Without thinking, Carly punched the driver window in. She winced in pain as the glass shards gashed her wrist open. She ignored the pain and looked in the car to see James not conscience. Carly reached in and clinched his arm and began to drag him out. Blood was all over him. His nose appeared to be broken and his forehead was cut deeply. The blood had already dried, making it easier on Carly’s stomach. The sight of blood made her uneasy. She felt for his pulse and it was still beating. Breathing a sigh of relief she began shaking him softly trying to wake him up. He squinted his eyes and reached for the gash on his head. ”Carly? What happened?” He sat up. ”I’m not sure. I think we have been attacked.” A look of panic grew on his face ”ATTACKED?! By like a foreign country??” Carly was just as surprised as he was, but she had seen the results of the bombing for a few hours. ”Yes. It hasn’t quite set in with me yet, but it has happened and all we can do now is find shelter. Are you ok? can you walk?” Carly was relieved that James was alive and now she had to go back to her mother and brother. ”Well I think I look worse than i actually am. God definitely has mercy on me.” Carly smiled. ”Well, then how ’bout we look for your parents?” James was just happy he was alive. He felt so selfish that he didn’t even think about if his parents were ok. The last thing he remembered was pulling up the driveway of his home, and his parents hadn’t yet gotten home from their work. He said a quick prayer that they were still alive. ”Is your family ok?” Carly was the type that when something devastating happened she would panic at first, but then push away the facts of reality. Her coping mechanism was oblivion. She refused to believe that her father and siblings were gone. She looked away with glossy eyes, and took a deep breath. ”I left my mom and my brother to come find you. I need to go back.” James knew that she was hiding pain. He walked over to her and hugged her from behind. Carly turned and buried her face into his chest, and began sobbing. James started to cry with her. He loved her with all his being, and hated to see her in pain. ”I will go through this with you, Carly. All the way till the end.” Carly looked him in the eyes and he leaned in to kiss her gently. ”I love you James. More than I can explain.” James smiled. ”I love you too, Carly. I can’t imagine life without you.” They kissed again and parted ways. James went on the search for his parents, and Carly went back to her remaining family.

Tragic Fairytale

I remember it like it was last night
When I saw you the first time
We hit it off really fast
And there was no looking back
There was no such thing as a bad day with you by my side
Making one mistake
I never knew that’s all it would take
I loved you then and I love you now
I wish I could move on but I don’t know how
I can’t blame you for feeling the way you did
With all you went through
I don’t know what I would do
I would be so broken
So hesitant
So reluctant
To further my feelings in someone I felt could break me
Cut me
Deep in the heart
To the point of no return
A laceration so deep that it can’t be mended again
But I would have never done that to you
I cared about you too much
Growing apart
Has done nothing but make me grow closer to you
Its done nothing but make me crave you more
Because you are the one I truly adore
All the songs I’ve written,
You were the one I wrote them for
You are the reason tears have been shed
Ever since you left
I’ve felt dead
A carcass rotting away
A hollow tomb
Empty
Like nothing else matters
You were my life
The reason I wanted to live
My fresh breath of air
The one I would always forgive
Are you not bothered?
By the fact that I desire you so much?
I often wonder
What life be like without having met you?
It would be worse
Because I hadn’t found what love is until I met you
And now that I know what love is
I know what to look for
Too bad you were the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with

Insecurity

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Holding me back does nothing but push me away
Let go
Wake up
I am not your puppet
I am not your dummy to control
Let go
Give up
I will not powerlessly follow your command
I will not effortlessly do what you demand
You are dead to me
You are nothing, you see
Just a figment of my heart
An illusion of my mind
I no longer think of you
You caused me to be blind
Of what I should be focussed on
Where my priorities should be
So I should never see you again
Not for the rest of eternity
Find another host to leech on to
You have sucked enough out of me
You made me doubt myself
You made me cry
You made me want to die
You made my life terrible
Miserable
Horrible
And if I could do it all over again
I would have exterminated you long ago
Because I didn’t see the scars you would leave on me
I didn’t see the pain you would inflict upon me
And I didn’t believe others when they told me about you
They exposed your true self but I refused to believe it
And now I regret it
And now you will die for it
I know you now
And I will make you drown
Along with all you made of me
Embarrassed
Scared
Paranoid
Everything you did to me
Gone.
Goodbye insecurity.
I am free from you
I am no longer afraid to say
I am beautiful
Screw those who do not think so
They are blind
Everyone is beautiful
And may God damn you for making them believe that there is such thing as an ugly creature.

The Chicken’s Cry

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hunt, heat, stray (interactive poetry)

The Chicken’s Cry

Before i can run away you hunt me down
catch me and drag me around
snap my neck and chop me up
throw me in soup and eat my guts
the heat you use to melt off my feathers
i can gobble and gobble but it will never matter
because i will just be another chicken
eaten
fried, boiled, baked, or grilled
im treated like a stray cat
no one cares where my heart is at
i just want to see my chics hatch
but noooo
instead, i will served on a plate in your lap.

how do you like your chicken? i personally like it fried XD

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