Time For Me To Fly…

This is where I begin. 

This is where we end

Cease fire

Hold back

Clip

Pull the trigger.

Blow.

Blown.

Blown opportunity.

I told you to back off!

I said to respect my decision!

I said respect my heart’s desires. 

Understand where my happiness lies,

And what do you do???

Ignore.

Boom.

Blow up.

Immancipate

Yes. You assassinated

Any relationship we had gained back

Just leave me alone

Don’t talk to me.

I can’t even look at you, I can’t even talk to you

I can’t even think about you!!

I will blow a fuse.

Say exactly what I don’t mean,

Lose my testimony.

Lose my dignity and maturity.

I was the bigger person.

Not you.

Age is nothing but a number. Don’t be so ignorant.

Dummy.

Think I don’t know what you think?

I heard enough. And I still cut it short.

I heard it all, and you never finished your thoughts.

You think little before you speak, same as I.

But the difference is I left just in time.

I won’t be coming back for a while.

This time you couldn’t make me leave,

I left by choice, because​your words stabbed me

I had to go to my hospital.

My love.

Who actually loved me enough to mend hurt and pain.

I don’t need you.

This is where I begin.

This is where we end!

My Independence shall glow up

My Independence shall glow up!

My dependency falls by the wayside,

And we part ways.

Stay on your side.

Don’t come in my Lane.

Stay away from me, keep your mouth to yourself.

Focus on your own problems

Worry about your own life.

Leave me be.

It’s time for me to fly…

Anxiety 

The Voiceless Heart

It’s a cold-blooded weapon

Implosive thoughts

Self-mutilation of my thoughts

There is no color

When it’s always dark in here

And as my cold glare

Faces my fears

The depressing assailants

That

Seem to seek placement in my psyche

Attack me

And pain spreads through my chest

Like wildfire

And I’m defenseless

Begging for someone to pay the penance

That frees me from a painful purgatory

Worst than any American Horror Story

Freddie Krueger couldn’t be this gory

Mental deconstruction tells its story

And on these stormy banks

I attempt my slumber

My thoughts? Or thunder?

It’s no wonder I keep going under

Pain grimaces on the face of my

Pursuit of happiness

The audacity in clapping is

I’m pouring out impassionate

Poetic prayers precisely preceding

The emotional banishment

That seems to riddle me with a physical pain

Oh, boy, what an ailment!

How can I

Dark as ivory

Possess…

View original post 107 more words

Hypocrite’s Victory

image

As if the whole world were against you

You collapse to the ground

Once again

I am here standing in agonizing pain

Wondering when will God stop the rain

It falls too much

And I can’t keep up

My tears are drowning me in a pool of sorrow and pain

How can I go on knowing that I can’t stop the train?

Of sadness?

Imploding

My heart

Exploding

From the confusion

Evolving

You wonder what is wrong

And when I try to explain I can’t

So I wonder why I am upset

And I can’t even answer

I don’t even know

I can’t even begin to tell

I want to scream and yell

An escape from all the eyes

Watching me like a vulture

Waiting till I mess up so they can tear me apart

Waiting till I depart from my better side

They must want to see me cry

They must want to see me fall and scrape my flesh some more

They must want me to head out the door

Maybe they should try harder to keep their prey

But I cannot say

I will not say a thing

I will keep my mouth shut as I push it aside once more

I’m tired of fighting tho

I think of giving up

But then a spirit pricks my heart and says no, don’t go

Don’t give up so soon

So this is where doubt fills my mind

What should I do?

 

The ONE Thing

image

My heart
It can’t handle this
I thought I erased the pain
But it’s still there
More so than before
I thought that I had victory over this feeling
But this is more than a feeling and it is controlling my being
And my mind is screaming
My stomach is leaving
My body
Aching
From the hurt I have held
I long so much for the one thing
The one thing!
I desire so much
I can’t seem to see the light
I don’t know the reason why
It is wrong
Why is it wrong!?
That is where I belong
That is what I have needed for so long
And I love him
I need him
He needs me
He wants me
It isn’t fair
I cannot see how life can be so brutal
As to keep you from what you love so much
To the point of
Your eyes
Forgetting what it feels like to be dry
Your ears
No longer responding to reality
Your mind
So full of millions of thoughts but the only thought you keep dwelling on is the one thing
The one thing!
That you can’t have
Why do I have to be so greedy!?
Why do I have to want something so much that I would kill for it?
I would die for it
Because honestly,
Dying for it would be easier than living without it
I have bled over this for years
And when I finally see it within my reach
It disappears
It fades
But yet it’s still there
And it yells at me
‘’hey, I want you!’’
And I can’t say anything other than ‘’I want you too’’
It does me no good!
I am here
Dying
Inside
Burning alive
In my own flames of heartache
They are burning me alive!
I can’t see past the scorching torment they inflict upon me
Oh God!
Please tell me!
Help me see!
Help me understand why things are the way they are
Why do I have to be drawn to the forbidden fruit?
Must I die if I eat it?
I am considering it
I am dying without it
This thing,
This ONE THING!!
I can’t live without it
God,
You say you won’t let us go through what we can’t endure
But I don’t know if I can go on much longer
Please
I beg of you
Rip my heart out
Steal my mind
Take away my feelings
So I don’t fall in love ever again
I don’t want to be in love
I don’t want to understand it anymore
Why did I have to fall in love?
And why… Why! did it have to be the one thing!
The one thing!!
That I didn’t know was forbidden until I reached for it
Almost as if I was teased
Like holding a steak in front of a starving and rabid wolf,
Then taking it away
Leaving the wolf to steam and fume over the lie
Leaving that wolf to moan over the hunger it has
And you took it back
Like you gave a homeless beggar
One million dollars
Changed his life
Let him dine in the finest of restaurants and buy a nice home
Buy a yacht
Travel the world
Buy a Lamborghini
Let him drive it
He spends much of his free gift
Then…
It is taken back
And he is left with nothing again
And not only that
But now,
He owes all that money back
And if he doesn’t pay it he goes to prison
Well,
That’s how I feel
I am in prison
I am in a prison called heartbreak
And there is no such escape
Nothing can describe the pain I feel
No word
No picture
No nothing
I feel so much that it can’t be comprehended
Only misunderstood
No one can possibly know what I am going through
Leave me on the train tracks
Run over my soul and leave me to be eaten
By the maggots of emptiness, and loneliness,
Leave me to my numbness.

Circle Of Life

You said I’d never make it

But look where I’m at now

You said I couldn’t take it

But look what I’m dishing out

I’m feeling invincible

After surviving the tsunami of torment

And I’m standing taller now that I surfed the waves of hate

All the times you spat upon me when I was falling

And all the times you never acknowledged me when I was calling

Crawling

Stalling

Begging for help from one who was standing

I would be making progress

But you didn’t even notice

And when I fell six feet under you would dance on my grave

Well

I no longer care

I have passed the crossroad of dependency

I am no longer looking to you for help

I am no longer giving you my time

I am no longer letting you strip away my very life

I am no longer letting you tell me how my life will be,

But instead,

Role reversal

I am going to be shoving down your throat all that you wanted me to be

I will tell you how it will happen

And soon you will see

How you treated me

And all the other slaves you chained

You chained us all with our greatest strength

But we quickly established it to be our greatest enemy

I couldn’t overcome it

The chains embedded themselves into my flesh

Forcing me to live with it and I dare not to rip it out

Because as soon I shall

Lord knows I would’ve endured hell

At one time you protected me from danger

And at one time I trusted you

At one time I loved you and cherished every moment spent with you

I never thought of the day when I would despise you

Abhor you with all my being

Wish for the day that I could dance on your grave

Longing for the time when you fall and I laugh in your face

Some call it spite

Some call it karma

I call it the circle of life

And you’ve had it coming for a while

Stupid People

image

I am starting to think that patience is a talent.
Some people got it.
Some people don’t.
I know I don’t have it.
Because wanting to smack a person in the face from stupidity,
is a prevalent part of my thinking.
Envisioning it is sometimes why I randomly laugh
With a smirk on my face.
Other might even look at me strange and ask?
“What are you thinking?”
I just smile and walk away.
Leaving them to imagine.
Maybe this is why people think of me as strange.
But they should appreciate me walking away
Because usually I am holding myself back from
Hitting them into next week
Or punching
Or maybe
Kicking them so hard they can’t sit for a week
Or smacking
Maybe even
Laughing
Because they are so
Stupid.
So ignorant
Its hard to believe.
Maybe this is just me…

image

Anger

An internal flame that kindles within me,
Grows and grows to escape my being.

Like a wild fire that cannot be tamed,
Is like the anger within that begins to rage.

A simple spark is what begins the fire
The fire that only fades with time.

For to others it seems the fire is a make up
But really it burns up, to make others wake up.
To teach a lesson, to express oneself
Anger isn’t always a bad behavioral health.

Anger isn’t wrong its needed
And isn’t always because we are conceded.
But emotions that must have exploded
All sadness and pain from the heart imploded.
Violently blood and tears to be shed
To express what is inside of the head.

Anger
That fury that swarms within me
Tries and tries to escape my being
Shouldn’t be loosed
Its like an untameable beast
That devoirs all things that surround me.
Leave the place when the anger begins
For if you don’t your life may end.

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