Deja Vu

Deja vu

Can’t escape this deja vu

Cant make something of myself

I don’t know what i want to do

Much less what i need

I am so lost for words

I have no answers

Ready to give up trying

Tired of shape shifting

Confusion is an epidemic

My brain can’t take all these thoughts

Memories flood my mind

They always are nonstop

I cant forget what i want

Hurting so much, in my mental

My only salvation is physical pain

Blood doesnt have to surface

Who says i have to create scars

Punch my fist so hard

Anger boils insides

Because im so screwed up in my mind

I wish i could be dead

And never come back to this world

Why start over, when it will all be the same

Life sucks and to me life isnt worth anything

Who is actually happy and satisfied?

I cant imagine that contentment in life…

She say its selfish to take my life

And leave all those who love me behind

What are you even talking about

Love is support

Love isnt turning a blind eye

To the mentally unstable

To the mentally hurting

Just because i want something else for my life

Support is hard to come by

Love isn’t a freaking title

Mother or not

Love is not just a word

Married or not

Love is pain

And i dont want to feel it anymore

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Praise Turned To Bless

Blessed

No other word can express

The love God has shown

He has bestowed His grace.

His unfailing love.

Where can one find this kind of love?

Nowhere but from Heaven above.

Doors open and doors close,

God has opened so many lately i dont know where to go!

Open doors with endless possibilities,

To serve Him and Him only!

I know He has and will continue to bless

I just pray that i dont let bad times get the best of me

I tend to get down easy

My spirit is set on nothing but pleasing

Everyone around me!

God is the only person i should worry about tho.

God is the only one being i should set my heart on.

Oh how i am blessed.

For God loves me so!

Oh how i am blessed,

God will never let me go!

I am in his hands! I am in his safety!

Praise His name! His is so great!

For he blesses without fail

He comforts without fail!

Good, Bad, and the Ugly

You ask me what i feel

And i can’t tell you now

Because i change my mind, Like the wind

You should know by now

That somehow I, have more than words to say

But they always change

Indecisive plays in games

You ask me what i feel

And i cant tell you now

It is too soon to tell

How far i will get from here

If i continue down this path

I wonder if i will regret

Or maybe not I wont know until then

You ask me what i feel

And i cannot tell you now

I been fighting myself

Trying to learn how

To move on from my mistakes

fighting long and hard All the way

And im too the point Words cant explain

So dont bother asking me!

You ask me how i deal

With all this in my head

I said I dont know how but sometimes i want to be dead

Instead, of alive because Death is quick

But misery is long

And i cant keep going on

Life is way too hard

And when it isnt easy we give up

You ask me what do i feel

Well I don’t really know right now

I just keep making plans and i hope that somehow

That i accomplish them

And get motivation

To change the world

To make it a better place

At least not for them but me

Because we all gotta fight for ourselves

And no one will save you but yourself

You ask me what do i feel

Well i think i know now

This world is unbalanced and it wont balance itself

We gotta experience to be smarter

Stronger And wiser

Consider the factors that decipher

Where we will be in the future

gotta live life fuller

With good, bad, and ugly

I can make this life worth living

with the good bad and ugly

I can make life what i want it to be

With the good bad and ugly

I can change the world without it changing me

I can make my reality

With the Good bad and ugly

Territory

Hello sunshine 🙂

Can I call you that, love?

When the rain of every day irritations

Cause a drought in my appreciation

of life

I know

I can count on you

to be my sunlight.

You’ll pull me through.

You make me a better person.

You light up the darkness around me;

Help me clean up the dirtiness inside me.

Babe.

You are my sunshine.

I carry you with me everywhere i go.

In my heart,

If you must know,

You stay;

Never to stray.

You take my breath away.

You stole my heart,

But thats fine.

You can keep it,

I trust you with it ;

To treasure it and to treat it,

With care

And protection,

With love

And devotion.

And sunshine

As you do with mine

I will with yours,

Lord willing.

I will hold your heart close.

I will love it daily, and more that most.

I will treasure it… well

I already do.

I will protect it from harm too.

And sunshine,

If ever a time it gets hurt

It will be because of someone else’s dirt,

But they will have had to gone through me first.

I will fight with all my might

To protect what is mine and what i cherish

For baby

I claim you

You are mine.

I hope you dont mind

That statement sounds controlling…

But i rather think of it as territorial

Im like a wolf in sheeps clothing

I am territorial

And anything or anyone that comes close to you

Let it be known

I wil raise my guard

And fight to defend your heart

This sheep is delicate

But this sheep can be a rabid wolf

Dont be afraid…

Im not too crazy

I just know to find a treasure like you is nothing to take lightly

So i am careful not to lose you

Jealousy?

Not really.

Being jealous is when you want something that is someone else’s.

You shouldn’t be jealous.

Because i am not anyone else’s.

Only yours.

Forever.

So territorial…? let it be so.

You are my territory.

And i yours.

Take This Heart of Mine

You take me to a different place

Your smile leaves me in a daze

Your eyes

They are so great

Beautiful

Different

Full

Genuine

You are everything I need and more babe

I love you from the bottom to the top

From now til the end of time

From here to the end of space

Forever and ever you are mine

And I am yours

I surrender to the love you grant me

I give my heart to you completely

Its broken to pieces from all of the stitching

But you can hold it

Even tho it was thrown over the edge not too long ago

You can sew it

Even tho it was ripped apart two months ago

You can mend it

Even tho its been scarred up so many a time

You can grow it

Even tho its been dormant from all of the lies

You can make it

I know you will do just fine

Because with your words of love you’ve proven to me time after time

That you do love me

And  you really mean it

You truly want me

And I cant believe it

I have found true love

And it has found me

When I thought I had it before

It was fools gold

And it tricked me

The fools gold lied

The fools gold betrayed

The fools gold will not prosper

For much longer

It will be traded

To a melting pot

To be burned and scorched

Tried for its pretense

And destroyed forevermore

But as for this true beauty I found

This gem I call my love

This diamond in the rough

That will never be replaced

You are irreplaceable

You are hardly imaginable

You are my knight in shining armor

My safety in the darkness

My hero in the night

You make everyday bright

You are my bright and morning star

You are my sunshine

You are my life

I love you so very much

But do you love me?

Do you accept this token?

This heart of mine?

I give it all to you.

Free.

No charge.

Only that you give me yours too

That you hold me forever

Love me til you cant any longer

Express your heart at every possible moment

And loyalty that will never diminish

Baby I love you

More than myself

What you feel I feel

When you hurt I hurt

When you cry I cry

When you laugh I laugh

When you smile I smile

Baby.

I am.

Yours.

Jean.

I am yours.

Handsome J

I am forever yours.

Will you be mine forever?

If so.

Here.

Take this heart of mine

Its broken

But its all I have left to give to you

And I hope you cherish it.

I Found You

I will admit it

I was ready to give up

Settle for less

Just to be done

I was ready to live in an empty state

Ready to love someone I didn’t love for the rest of my life

Boy, what a mistake

 

I knew you the whole time

And I liked you in the back of my mind

from the start

But I refused to give up what I had my mind set on

I was determined to be done looking

I decided on the lesser to be done searching

 

I would twist things in my mind to make me like you less

And I would take rumors and nonsense spread

And use it to my advantage

Excuse to not like you

To not fall in love with you

 

I knew I had some feeling going on

I felt disloyal to the on I settled for

I felt like a cheater

So I distanced myself more

And I purposed to love the lesser

To forget the greater

 

 

You were the greater

You were the one I wanted from the start

But when you were taken I decided to just keep what I already knew I had

I shouldn’t have

I was just so sick of trying

Sick of aiming higher

When the arrow would just land low

 

I always heard to aim high so you don’t settle for less

But you just seemed too high

And like I said before

I gave up

I was defeated after my last breakup

I was too hurt to be broken again

 

But there I was again

Déjà vu

I reached a point where I didn’t know what to do

Other than give up completely

Drink my problems away

In apathy

I didn’t give a care anymore

I was hurt too much

I needed an escape

 

 

 

 

 

So I risked everything

And did I ever fail

I failed at my testimony

I lost it all

I lost you

And I left you

And now I am alone wishing I could just see you

Tell you in person how much I love you

Show you how much I care about you

 

But I can’t

I am enduring a trial of patience

It is so difficult to keep my head up

Hope is a hard thing for me to believe in

I have too many ups and downs

You told me to keep trying and to have faith

But I never told you these things

And I have a past in my heart

That is hard to depart

From

I would run

From God

From life

From reality

I refused to believe things that was as clear as water

So it all rushed through me

Hit every organ and left me bruised up

 

 

It was all my fault tho

I should’ve listened

I shouldn’t have settled

I shouldn’t have given up

And it this doesn’t work…

I don’t know what I will do.

But know that I love you

More than myself

I would give up anything

And I will do without

Forgive me if I doubt that you believe me when I say that

But I do

For you are my everything

And I only long for the day that I can put action to my words

And prove to you

How much I love you

For You I Will

For you, i will give up anything.

For you, i will follow your dreams.

For you i will give up mine, and i will make yours mine.

Would that make you smile?

i love your smile, your laugh and your eyes.

the way you look at me tells me your thoughts.

sad? happy? lost? angry? confused? amused? proud?

hmm.. those expressions either make me or break me.

oh yeah, and bring on the football baby.

let me learn, for you i will, to make you happy 🙂

i want to be your best friend, who is by your side through anything.

regardless if something isn’t my forte, i will make it mine,

for you i will.

for you i will give up my biggest desire.

i will swallow the pills through tears and sadness.

your happiness and satisfactions is all i need to get through life and its struggles.

you make me feel my best, you make me feel my worst,

and even when i am hurt so much, i cant bear being away from you!

so how does it feel, love?

to know that you got me wrapped around your finger so tightly.

you know that you practically own me… for you have my heart.

for you i will.

so this Sunday you had plans? well now they are mine too!

lets do this baby

for you i will 🙂

new_england-28681481-3ad8-354d-9b09-73301fdcd481

lets go Patriots! 😉

Come Home, Please?

And i can still feel your lips
That last time before you left.
You gently resting your strong hands on my waist and hugging me
Your strength is what helped me say good bye.

By far the biggest decision i ever made was being with you
And now the biggest decision as of now is being apart from you.
I cant sleep well again.
For you calmed the storms that flooded my mind.
My nightmares come and go, but no one can help calm them in this cold bed.

I slept with more layers than normal to stay warm.
Its cold.
I miss your body heat.
I want to hug you so bad right now.
Kiss you.
Hold your hand.
I want to take you to work.
I want to pick you up, as you walk to the car with this smile that says “i love my baby”
But i cant. And wont.
For a while.
This short time will be the longest in my mind.

I cant bare to think of another night without you, but i must learn to live with that thought.

I thought getting up early would be hard,
But i see it wont be, for i cannot sleep.
I love you
And i miss you…
Please come home soon. 😦

Naked

My husband y’all 🙂 enjoy

PoemsFromTheHeartcom

Strip me off of all of my clothes
And you will say that I am Naked
Am I?
Clothes are off
All skin is showing
But am I really naked?

I say I’m fully clothed
How bout you?
The Heart you can’t see
Feelings that are in the depths of me. You can’t see
Yet I am naked?
To the blind eye?
Guess it’s blind for a reason.

The pain
The suffering
All that is within me
All which is clothed from within
Clothed from within
But you say I’m naked?
Am I?

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