Take This Heart of Mine

You take me to a different place

Your smile leaves me in a daze

Your eyes

They are so great

Beautiful

Different

Full

Genuine

You are everything I need and more babe

I love you from the bottom to the top

From now til the end of time

From here to the end of space

Forever and ever you are mine

And I am yours

I surrender to the love you grant me

I give my heart to you completely

Its broken to pieces from all of the stitching

But you can hold it

Even tho it was thrown over the edge not too long ago

You can sew it

Even tho it was ripped apart two months ago

You can mend it

Even tho its been scarred up so many a time

You can grow it

Even tho its been dormant from all of the lies

You can make it

I know you will do just fine

Because with your words of love you’ve proven to me time after time

That you do love me

And  you really mean it

You truly want me

And I cant believe it

I have found true love

And it has found me

When I thought I had it before

It was fools gold

And it tricked me

The fools gold lied

The fools gold betrayed

The fools gold will not prosper

For much longer

It will be traded

To a melting pot

To be burned and scorched

Tried for its pretense

And destroyed forevermore

But as for this true beauty I found

This gem I call my love

This diamond in the rough

That will never be replaced

You are irreplaceable

You are hardly imaginable

You are my knight in shining armor

My safety in the darkness

My hero in the night

You make everyday bright

You are my bright and morning star

You are my sunshine

You are my life

I love you so very much

But do you love me?

Do you accept this token?

This heart of mine?

I give it all to you.

Free.

No charge.

Only that you give me yours too

That you hold me forever

Love me til you cant any longer

Express your heart at every possible moment

And loyalty that will never diminish

Baby I love you

More than myself

What you feel I feel

When you hurt I hurt

When you cry I cry

When you laugh I laugh

When you smile I smile

Baby.

I am.

Yours.

Jean.

I am yours.

Handsome J

I am forever yours.

Will you be mine forever?

If so.

Here.

Take this heart of mine

Its broken

But its all I have left to give to you

And I hope you cherish it.

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I Found You

I will admit it

I was ready to give up

Settle for less

Just to be done

I was ready to live in an empty state

Ready to love someone I didn’t love for the rest of my life

Boy, what a mistake

 

I knew you the whole time

And I liked you in the back of my mind

from the start

But I refused to give up what I had my mind set on

I was determined to be done looking

I decided on the lesser to be done searching

 

I would twist things in my mind to make me like you less

And I would take rumors and nonsense spread

And use it to my advantage

Excuse to not like you

To not fall in love with you

 

I knew I had some feeling going on

I felt disloyal to the on I settled for

I felt like a cheater

So I distanced myself more

And I purposed to love the lesser

To forget the greater

 

 

You were the greater

You were the one I wanted from the start

But when you were taken I decided to just keep what I already knew I had

I shouldn’t have

I was just so sick of trying

Sick of aiming higher

When the arrow would just land low

 

I always heard to aim high so you don’t settle for less

But you just seemed too high

And like I said before

I gave up

I was defeated after my last breakup

I was too hurt to be broken again

 

But there I was again

Déjà vu

I reached a point where I didn’t know what to do

Other than give up completely

Drink my problems away

In apathy

I didn’t give a care anymore

I was hurt too much

I needed an escape

 

 

 

 

 

So I risked everything

And did I ever fail

I failed at my testimony

I lost it all

I lost you

And I left you

And now I am alone wishing I could just see you

Tell you in person how much I love you

Show you how much I care about you

 

But I can’t

I am enduring a trial of patience

It is so difficult to keep my head up

Hope is a hard thing for me to believe in

I have too many ups and downs

You told me to keep trying and to have faith

But I never told you these things

And I have a past in my heart

That is hard to depart

From

I would run

From God

From life

From reality

I refused to believe things that was as clear as water

So it all rushed through me

Hit every organ and left me bruised up

 

 

It was all my fault tho

I should’ve listened

I shouldn’t have settled

I shouldn’t have given up

And it this doesn’t work…

I don’t know what I will do.

But know that I love you

More than myself

I would give up anything

And I will do without

Forgive me if I doubt that you believe me when I say that

But I do

For you are my everything

And I only long for the day that I can put action to my words

And prove to you

How much I love you

For You I Will

For you, i will give up anything.

For you, i will follow your dreams.

For you i will give up mine, and i will make yours mine.

Would that make you smile?

i love your smile, your laugh and your eyes.

the way you look at me tells me your thoughts.

sad? happy? lost? angry? confused? amused? proud?

hmm.. those expressions either make me or break me.

oh yeah, and bring on the football baby.

let me learn, for you i will, to make you happy 🙂

i want to be your best friend, who is by your side through anything.

regardless if something isn’t my forte, i will make it mine,

for you i will.

for you i will give up my biggest desire.

i will swallow the pills through tears and sadness.

your happiness and satisfactions is all i need to get through life and its struggles.

you make me feel my best, you make me feel my worst,

and even when i am hurt so much, i cant bear being away from you!

so how does it feel, love?

to know that you got me wrapped around your finger so tightly.

you know that you practically own me… for you have my heart.

for you i will.

so this Sunday you had plans? well now they are mine too!

lets do this baby

for you i will 🙂

new_england-28681481-3ad8-354d-9b09-73301fdcd481

lets go Patriots! 😉

Come Home, Please?

And i can still feel your lips
That last time before you left.
You gently resting your strong hands on my waist and hugging me
Your strength is what helped me say good bye.

By far the biggest decision i ever made was being with you
And now the biggest decision as of now is being apart from you.
I cant sleep well again.
For you calmed the storms that flooded my mind.
My nightmares come and go, but no one can help calm them in this cold bed.

I slept with more layers than normal to stay warm.
Its cold.
I miss your body heat.
I want to hug you so bad right now.
Kiss you.
Hold your hand.
I want to take you to work.
I want to pick you up, as you walk to the car with this smile that says “i love my baby”
But i cant. And wont.
For a while.
This short time will be the longest in my mind.

I cant bare to think of another night without you, but i must learn to live with that thought.

I thought getting up early would be hard,
But i see it wont be, for i cannot sleep.
I love you
And i miss you…
Please come home soon. 😦

Naked

My husband y’all 🙂 enjoy

PoemsFromTheHeartcom

Strip me off of all of my clothes
And you will say that I am Naked
Am I?
Clothes are off
All skin is showing
But am I really naked?

I say I’m fully clothed
How bout you?
The Heart you can’t see
Feelings that are in the depths of me. You can’t see
Yet I am naked?
To the blind eye?
Guess it’s blind for a reason.

The pain
The suffering
All that is within me
All which is clothed from within
Clothed from within
But you say I’m naked?
Am I?

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Secure Me

when will i try enough
i say i do, but it doesn’t show.

only the stresses in my head let me know

i care,

but the efforts i have cease to reflect anything of the sort

no one sees

nor understands my pain

i am hurting so much inside because i have yet to become anything more than just a girl

a girl who cant live outside of home and work

do i even meet up to standards and wishes of those i love?

no.

at least not the ones who said they would always love me.

 

and i often wonder:

why is it always the struggle of love

not even lusts,

but love.

the feeling that you are wanted and deserved instead of forgotten and irrelevant

and part of me wants to believe they still love me

for more than an obligation…

they are obligated to talk to me, or respond anyway

i push things and fall

pushing on a weightless object and i fall hard.

 

and then the one i fought for,

i know the love is there, but…

my insecurity haunts me. so much

i cry!

why cant i just be secure!

not just know, but believe!

belief is so hard for me…

it requires trust and trust doesn’t come so easy…

anymore.

i don’t trust anyone or anything.

i have little to no faith and i have no idea where to go about finding it.

i pray for it, i ask for an open mind…

but i trained myself to shut that off.

fear over hope.

fear over trust.

fear over anything besides myself…

yet that’s the problem.

how can i even put faith in myself when i am weak and nothing but a girl.

i am nothing to trust

because

i don’t even believe in myself.

 

my biggest weakness has turned out to be myself.

i have no sense of security in knowing things will be okay,

i believe that God can do anything,

but “will he?” is the question…

that is my problem.

i don’t trust he will…

yet i know God has the best in mind.

i just don’t like letting go.

i want to be in control.

independent, i need help giving myself over to the right One.

the right person. the only one who will secure me.

 

Wish

My one wish is affection
i want love in a way i never had before

not just physical,

but the knowledge it will last forever, not just a season

i wish peace of mind would stay instead of coming in spurts

i want to be joy filled

forever, not a moment of happiness

i want freedom

the happiest i am is when the love of my life comes to me.

not i, him

when he takes me on an adventure

i want adventure!

i want space…

not held in the same place i been my whole life.

i wish for someone who will look to me, and ask for my love

instead of me always wanting it… i want to give it to someone who gives it back more than i

the look in my child’s eyes, when they look to me and i am their world.

and they are mine,

that. is my one wish.

someone who will take care of me and my feelings,

sweet innocence to find me the most beautiful even when there are others more beautiful than i,

someone who will look to me and ask for help and love, instead of me always asking

someone who want my attention, instead of me always wanting the attention

can i give it for once to one who wants it back??

thats my one wish.