Back in the Beginning

You can’t always follow your heart, for it leads to destruction.

However, I followed mine,and it lead to happiness and love.

Still protected, still held close, my heart is big enough, yet taken for granted.

I give and give, piece by piece,

To be kept forever.

“Forgive and forget”, “turn the other cheek”,

“Remember what God did for you and do the same, for where would you be without His forgiving name?” No shame, no shame, 

No pain no gain,

Take all the blame.

Love everything and everyone the same.

Want to gain a friend?

Take a risk.

Want to gain trust?

Take the punch.

Want to gain freedom?

Leave all you ever known.

And I once again, I am, back in the beginning.



I always am alone

No one to talk to

But what’s weird is when I get around people, I want to go home and be alone…

So why do I feel so lonely?

Company doesn’t appeal to me.

People betray,

People hate,

People lie, and back stab…

I can’t trust anyone,

And every time​I do I get hurt.

Maybe that is why I don’t want company.

Maybe that is why I don’t want Friends..

But at the same time I do, I want Friends.

So which is it?

I don’t even know.

Do I want friends? And risk getting hurt over and over again like always…

Or do I want to be alone, like I always feel. Always have felt. And come to think of it, when I have friends, it lasts for such a short time, that I still feel lonely. Probably because I know that they aren’t there for me. 

Probably because I know that in only a matter of time they will drop me.

Forgive me for this self pity,

But I am saddened by the fact I can’t keep anybody…

And I don’t want to. I am afraid to. 

I am deathly afraid of being alone, but

I am Also terrified of being with others.

I feel perplexed, and I am lost for words of how to explain it other than I am lonely.

In His Hands


They draw their swords and they chase me into the mountains

The caves in which I dwell

They offer me no shelter

For within dwells monsters and I am a helpless worm

Suffering starvation

And lacerations

My health is on the decline

But dare I not blame God

Because I know He will deliver in due time

And even with being hunted

Chased down





I have the Lord looking down at me

And walking beside me

I need not fear

Though fear comes at times

I know he will deliver me when I need his hand

The lord shall provide His hand

And again,

No matter what trials may come my way

I know the Lord will deliver

So praise be to Him

For when He will deliver

You may wonder,

Why my optimism never ceases,

It’s because of the joy in my heart that never leaves me

My soul is joyful

My heart is full of the Holy Spirit

I have a peace within

That cannot be comprehended by most

Until one has found the faith in Upmost Highest

They will never fathom the power of the Holy Ghost

And the peace that it bestows

The Lord is my rock to lean on when I get weak

The Lord is my shelter when I need to sleep

And the Lord is my Saviour when I am going through a storm

I will continue to praise Him

No matter what comes my way

And my enemies will continue to fight against me

But they shan’t prevail against me

For it isn’t me they are against

It is God

For in Him I have placed my trust

And I am in His hands.

I Feel It


When it finally hits us
The Holy Bible
When we finally feel it
The Holy Spirit
When we finally see it
God’s direction
When we have an assurance
When we find security
God with us
When I found it
God with me

I feel Him
He Is with me
All the time
For eternity
God with me
And He with you
Negative kills
Negative steals
Let Jesus in,
And you will have what you need.

How Can I?


The Lord is my rock solid foundation that i can place my trust in
He will never fail to support me and keep me above the waters
I will never sink if i sail the waves on his freely bestowed rock
The lord is my fortress
He is my safetower from all the waves of life that crash upon me and try to drown me
He keeps me above lower grounds
He seals out the evil that tries to climb the walls of the safe haven he has provided me
The lord is my deliverer
No matter what the trial
He will always be my hero
Saving me from destruction and delivering me from evil
Giving me
The strength to keep on and never give up
The Lord is my strength
He provides me with the spiritual, physical, and mental endurance to make it through each and every day
I will trust in my God
I have to
If i cant learn to place my trust in him
How shall i be truly happy?
How can i be comforted by Him, the Comforter?
The Lord is my Buckler
Keeping me safe from falling off the cliff from my foolish decisions
He places me on the Hightower
To see over my path He made for me
And helps me to understand His will for my life
And His way is best
For true happiness
How can i ignore this?

Death Of Me


The death of me
I would have to say, sadly,
Is me
None other than myself
My eyes control me.
My ears control me
My feet control me.
My mind controls me.
I can’t help it…
Nothing can sway me.
A blessing and a curse, tho
I bid it very much a woe
That my mind is profane
And my heart is dirty
Cleansing them daily is a tiring necessity
But they as well also control me.
I find myself to be wicked and hypocritical
Being forceful one day,
In the Biblical way,
But the very next day
Shoving awful things into my being
Showing a loss of character
Losing my dignity
All of my small amount of pride
Gone in the blink of an eye.
I shrivel to hide my shame
My sin nature is to blame
I need freedom from the chains of myself
The death of me is me
And sometimes I can’t cont control me
My flesh is so very powerful
As a normal human being
I can’t control it alone
I need a lock to lock my thoughts away
I need a hand to guide me through the valleys
I need a voice to tell me its okay
I need the God in heaven to continuously show me
That I am the death of me.
I am wicked
I will kill myself without intending it
The prince of the
Is world oppresses me
Changes my ways of thinking
Makes me believe in him,
Not the Father,
I need to be a more faithful daughter.
Trusting in Him gives a peace like no other.