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Little

Little do they know i think of them daily

little do they know i pray for them daily

little to they know i care for them still

little do they know that i miss them still

little do they know i look at their pictures

little do they know i have had nightmares of loosing them forever

little do they know i do actually love them

little do they know…

 

do they even understand?

i feel if they did, they wouldn’t hold me at a distance

i feel they would at least hold a phone call for more than 3 minutes

little do they know, they have hurt me

little do they know that they have hurt themselves the most tho

not i,

not i.

 

damage has been done from both sides

not just mine, little do they know.

little do they know i am not struggling as bad as they wished i would

little do they know, i am happier than i was back then

that isnt to say i dont miss them

i wish things didnt happen the way they did.

i look back and wish they had just accepted him.

accepted my life, my love. who i was…

but tradition stepped in the way.

taking

words out of context

abusing them

throwing words around like dirt in the air

causing me to sputter and cough

burning my eyes, from the tears that resulted

as i would go to sleep at night wishing things were different

wishing that they would just see things from my view

little do they know, i was struggling so much internally

suicidal thoughts were prevalent, like i was out of my mind.

i hated life

i wanted to waste life and be wasted

drunk

escape

thats what i attempted that one time… little do they know

i drank to escape. i was miserable little do they know

little do they know, i came back, with more apathy than i can even explain

little do they now, he, my love, was the reason i got better.

encouragement daily he gave me. telling me to keep in trying

negativity should be ignored

let it roll off of me…

i struggled. boy i did. i still do at times

 

all my life i been susceptible to critical negativity

not intentionally, but it did affect me

it did make me what i was

stressing constantly about relatively everything…

but

i realize that that isnt the way life should be lived

fearing anything and everything

because if something is perfect, then it is wrong

and if its wrong, then disaster could happen…

that kind of thinking is what got me where i was

 

i was ready to give up… matter of fact i did

i gave up completely

i decided never to try again. ever

little do they know…

 

But little do they know, my well-being was saved by him.

he led me to the One above who saved me and made me whole…

he led me to the right path again.

and once i fell, hard, i knew he was the one.

not just because of the attention, little do they know

not just because of the sweet words he spoke, little do they know…

but because of the example he set for me, the model i wanted to be

a strong person

a faithful person

someone who desires God’s will for their life…

i wanted that. i fell in love with that… little do they know

little do they know, i was attracted from the start.

before i even knew him, before i even gave him a chance…

when i would talk about him, negatively, influenced by negativity around me there…

i allowed myself to get sucked in. follow the crowd and speak their language…

little do they know, before i was taken, i noticed him, above all.

attraction at the first, but it didnt go anywhere for i was distracted with a more forward one, that through their eyes was a better guy

well, little do they know, he wasnt by far

worst mistake of my life… little do they know.

 

but they wouldnt know

i never would let them

for one thing would lead to another and i couldnt trust them

they would force the issue

force things their way in MY life

so i unfortunately had to take matters into mine own hands

and here i am…

reaping what we all sowed

little do they know.

it isnt just me

that sowed this seed.

Pessimism or Realism??

image

I am not a pessimistic person.
I am a realist.
Even though the bad spots and blemishes are the first thing i notice,
I cant help but see things for what they actually are,
I can follow up with what is polished and pretty,
And i can point out the picture’s good qualities,
but you most likely will never see me point them out first.
being realistic here,
there is no such thing as optimism
its more like oblivion
optimists can be liars
lying to themselves
saying its better than what it really is
and pessimism
that another issue
there is no such thing
they are liars as well
saying things are worse than they are
How can someone be completely open to the fact that what is truly bad
Can be turned into good?
Likewise,
How can someone be completely close minded
To what is good and positive?
This world needs some balance.
We need some smarter people.
Come on, think
Unplug your ears, put your devices down,
Open your eyes and mind to what is around.
Understand that you are not the only human being in the world,
Stop acting like the world is against you
Stop acting like the world isn’t full of wickedness
Don’t be ignorant to reality
There are good things
There are bad things
The truth hurts
We live on
Life is what it is
So move on

Eighteen

Eighteen.
Some people think freedom.
Freedom of an adult…ahh…freedom…
Nice right?
Wrong.
I’m not one if these people who think once you’re eighteen
Its time to party
And move out…no.
I actually think responsibility,
Career,
Maturity…
I think of things that are nerve wrecking.
I’m kind of a pessimist, so bear with me,
But this is what I’m thinking…
College.
I think “freedom” isn’t gonna happen anytime soon for me,
Because I’m not through yet with my schooling.
If I go to college I have more of a chance of prosperity.
Family.
I am assuming
That here soon I will meet who God has for me, (God willing…)
And its exciting!
And its not normal for me to be sappy
But I can’t wait for love,
And who God has for me!
He will sweep me off my feet,
And tell me how much he adores me,
And tell me how much he loves me,
And hugs me warmly and tightly,
And kisses me softly,
Oh, that would be lovely…
And a family.
Little childrens running around my cottage-style dream house
And of course we’d have a puppy!
Now that’s enticing!
But enough of the dreaming.
There will be time for that tonight.
I need to focus on what will affect me in the future of my life.
So back to the daily stresses
Ever since I turned eighteen…

My Poetry

My heart is like a rose petal
Soft and delicate to the touch
Rare and effulgent and overflowing with love
But as I lay here agazed
At this open page
I second guess writing about love and kindness
This society lacks so much of it
If I were to write about it
It’s unrealistic
I like to face things head-on
Straight, to-the-point and blunt
I like to be the one to smack people’s faces
And tell them to wake up
My poetry is a little more than some language of love
My poetry is like a spotlight that exposes what people cover up
All this “treasure” or should I say fool’s gold is what people need to dig up
Put aside all foolish things
Don’t look behind at immature flings
And one more last thing…
This may not be one of my “top rated” poems
It make not be accepted, liked, or even read
But I needed to get that out of my head
And I feel better now that I said what I said.

Freedom

There is freedom in music.
Music is an escape.
The cadence to the ears that gives one peace,
Like a drug – for therapy.
Six strings strummed,
And a melodic hum,
Work as a blanket on a cold day,
Warming the soul in a magical way.

There is freedom in poetry.
Another way of escape is by writing.
Anything from love to hate,
Regret and sorrowful remembrance,
To happiness and forgiveness.
The topics are endless.
The only limit is creativeness.

There is freedom in sleep.
An escape when one is weak.
(Exhaustion from the world)
The brutal reality, that stabs us when we aren’t looking.
Things too real are my enemy;
So I cherish what is fake,
Because the truth is hard to follow.
My throat closes up before the pill can be swallowed,
But my eyes and my ears,
They pry my mouth open
And force the proof down my throat,
As if it were a garbage disposal.
I gag hoping to throw up
The poison shoved in to my gut.
Yes. The poison is truth.
And the truth is like poison.
This is why we run from it.
Making excuses of it and hiding it.
The truth exposes insecurities;
The truth exposes reality.
Reality is what we hate to see.
This is why we stay submerged in all things technology.
But what we fail to realize is It’s the poison.
technology is the deadly tool we think is freedom.
Oh yeah. Well it is freedom.
Freedom full of lies –
A tool of the Prince to be a disguise;
To blind our eyes from the truth beyond the sky.
We are too caught up in things we carry around.
How about we look around
To see what can be done
To see what we’ve become.
A generation caught up in pleasure
Not focused on pleasing the maker…

There is freedom in truth
Its true that we all want proof
But is portraying lies what we really want to do?
Living a lie is unnecessary
For lies are told everyday
We see it on TV
and by the words we say.
We wonder when will it stop?
Never.
It will never stop.
Not until the end has begun
And the lies will be proven wrong
And truth will overcome.

There is freedom in expectation;
Anticipating the coming;
Hoping and longing
For the coming of the King.
There is freedom in the salvation He brings.

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