Ready, Set, GO!!

Should i just stop trying?

just live?

should i just stop caring?

just go with the flow?

im not what i used to be,

and sadly i dont know what that was.

i just know nothing feels the same anymore.

im ready to just do whatever i want,

free spirit.

i dont want boundaries.

i want to do whatever i please.

if that means leaving all ive ever known,

then ready, set, GO!

im gone.



a blank page is set

then comes a sketch

one, line, then another

and mistakes shaded over

some mistakes cant be fixed, only erased

may the artist make the best of what they create

not all faults are to be embellished

stop creating

start erasing

for the blank page has its limits

one fatal mishap then shall the picture be forever scarred


even the eraser fails to relinquish

could it be the eraser should meet its match?

could it be defeated by even the smallest scratch?

I remember

I remember the feelings i first got,

the first few nights we would talk to each other,

i remember thinking, is this turning into something deep?

a deeper love than i want to tread?

i remember the butterflies that began, the gut wrenching feeling that i couldnt contain.

i remember the pounding of my heart, that i could feel throughout my body as you would say you love me.

i remember it all,

like it was just last week.

the first time we kissed

it was magical.

i remember the first time we took it to the next level, and i didnt care.

i wasnt scared… because i knew you werent a theif in the night.

trying to steal my treasure then leave

i knew who i was surrendering my heart to.

i knew exactly why i did, because i wanted to be with you.


i remember it all.

the warmth of your humid breath on my nose.

with the 43 degree weather, it was cold.

i remember your leather jacket you let me wear, and i remember your cologne you wore,

oh, it smelled so good.

i remember when you picked me up and i felt like a princess,

i remember when i was holding your cold hand, and we were walking.

i remember loving every picture you hated most.

i remember wanting to talk to you more but you would have to go

i remember when i finally had enough and i weeped

i hadn’t seen you for weeks, so you came to see me.

the long distance thing… it was hard

here we are now, and we can say we passed a chasm.

the chasm that separated us from being with each other.

here we are now, and we can say love truly conquers all.

here we are now,and we can now say, im taken, im married.

here we are now, and nothing can stop us from fulfilling what road God has mapped out for us,

let us embark on this journey of marriage.

Good in Your Eyes

Lord, reveal yourself to me

in a way i cant escape it

Lord, bring your power in me

and give me the strength to let go


for if I fight im sure to fall

lord please take all of me

and God, I pray,

knowing that you stay,

I will never stray


for i am nothing

i am weak

i cant manage on my own

i need strength to carry on…


comfort me,

give me peace in life

help me be

something good in your eyes

As Life Now Begins

I have reached a new checkpoint in life


people are already challenging me

expecting me to fall

to fail

to mess up and “prove” i made a mistake

well, all i can say…

“As life now begins

i feel a little scared,

but i know that with the faith i have gained,

God will always be there.

as life now begins,

i know that times will be hard,

but even if i never made any distance,

there would still be obstacles.

as life now begins,

all the doubters can doubt,

but they will see in a few years,

that their doubt is what sprung a fire in me to succeed.

as life now begins, i want nothing but to prove them wrong.

show them, its possible, and that i am not crazy.

show them that even tho i hit a downfall,

i am treading up hill, at an enduring speed.

i feel God’s hand upon me.

yes, there are those that feel different.

think that because they have a spiritual authority,

that my calling and what i feel is God,

is nothing.


to them i say, hah hah

think what you like.

say what you like.

hate on me.

prey on me.

but i will pray for you, because you are being led astray by your own pride…

as life now begins,

i am slow to make friends.

friends turn into enemies quickly.

when big things come in life,

friends should never leave your side.

friends should never talk bad about you,

talk down to you,

make you feel lesser…

but many times do.

and it is then that i realize how much of a friend they truly are.

they like many in the world, out for themselves

looking out for themselves.

“what will i look like…” and the like.

i dont have time for those who second guess my friendship.

its as genuine as it can come.

but only to some.

those who dont truly understand a true friendship, arent true friends.

they dont comprehend what they once had.

but it is now lost,

second chances are a downgrade.

things will NEVER be the same.

but nevertheless i will always be a friend.

as life now begins,

i am learning every day,

things that i shouldve known for years,

that i never had the chance.

being held back has made things different.

not just hard,

but different.

the embarrassment…

being humbled at common sense things…

as life now begins,

i have found a new me.

taking on life,

head-on, full force, bring the rain

i fight through pain

as life now begins.


Little do they know i think of them daily

little do they know i pray for them daily

little to they know i care for them still

little do they know that i miss them still

little do they know i look at their pictures

little do they know i have had nightmares of loosing them forever

little do they know i do actually love them

little do they know…


do they even understand?

i feel if they did, they wouldn’t hold me at a distance

i feel they would at least hold a phone call for more than 3 minutes

little do they know, they have hurt me

little do they know that they have hurt themselves the most tho

not i,

not i.


damage has been done from both sides

not just mine, little do they know.

little do they know i am not struggling as bad as they wished i would

little do they know, i am happier than i was back then

that isnt to say i dont miss them

i wish things didnt happen the way they did.

i look back and wish they had just accepted him.

accepted my life, my love. who i was…

but tradition stepped in the way.


words out of context

abusing them

throwing words around like dirt in the air

causing me to sputter and cough

burning my eyes, from the tears that resulted

as i would go to sleep at night wishing things were different

wishing that they would just see things from my view

little do they know, i was struggling so much internally

suicidal thoughts were prevalent, like i was out of my mind.

i hated life

i wanted to waste life and be wasted



thats what i attempted that one time… little do they know

i drank to escape. i was miserable little do they know

little do they know, i came back, with more apathy than i can even explain

little do they now, he, my love, was the reason i got better.

encouragement daily he gave me. telling me to keep in trying

negativity should be ignored

let it roll off of me…

i struggled. boy i did. i still do at times


all my life i been susceptible to critical negativity

not intentionally, but it did affect me

it did make me what i was

stressing constantly about relatively everything…


i realize that that isnt the way life should be lived

fearing anything and everything

because if something is perfect, then it is wrong

and if its wrong, then disaster could happen…

that kind of thinking is what got me where i was


i was ready to give up… matter of fact i did

i gave up completely

i decided never to try again. ever

little do they know…


But little do they know, my well-being was saved by him.

he led me to the One above who saved me and made me whole…

he led me to the right path again.

and once i fell, hard, i knew he was the one.

not just because of the attention, little do they know

not just because of the sweet words he spoke, little do they know…

but because of the example he set for me, the model i wanted to be

a strong person

a faithful person

someone who desires God’s will for their life…

i wanted that. i fell in love with that… little do they know

little do they know, i was attracted from the start.

before i even knew him, before i even gave him a chance…

when i would talk about him, negatively, influenced by negativity around me there…

i allowed myself to get sucked in. follow the crowd and speak their language…

little do they know, before i was taken, i noticed him, above all.

attraction at the first, but it didnt go anywhere for i was distracted with a more forward one, that through their eyes was a better guy

well, little do they know, he wasnt by far

worst mistake of my life… little do they know.


but they wouldnt know

i never would let them

for one thing would lead to another and i couldnt trust them

they would force the issue

force things their way in MY life

so i unfortunately had to take matters into mine own hands

and here i am…

reaping what we all sowed

little do they know.

it isnt just me

that sowed this seed.



Why would I walk amongst vipers and scorpions?
Why would I put myself in the position to possible be bitten or stung?
I pass through the fire and break out unscathed
And being planted by the rivers of water
I am delighted in the Father’s eyes
Having the delicious sunlight to fertilize my leaves
I shall not wilt, but grow
And prosperity is promised to my life
What should I gain from oceans I could sail
When the rivers provided are more than enough?
Yes, the oceans are most beautiful,
But they’ve proven to swallow vessels that lose direction.
The light vessels-
Void of the Rock needed to remain steady-
Are blown by the wind into whirlpools of destruction-
They sink.
Unless the crew sees the mistake and has God’s mercy.
The eyes of the Father can pierce the liar’s shell
He sees what truly lies beneath the flesh
Inside the human heart
The Lord knoweth the ungodly
And the Lord knoweth the righteous
The ship you sail
Determines if you’ll prevail
Judgment awaits
Will you be engulfed?
Swallowed by the temptations of the sea?
Will you perish?

New Again


I came empty

I came searching for answers of unknown mysteries

I didn’t know that in only a few hours I would be dramatically changed

Mind warped – then came the time for Torch

And a path was brightened

More than I ever imagined

I couldn’t resist the tears later that night

Begging for a peace that I had needed for quite some time

I needed a leading

I had been waiting and it finally came…

Like my body completely disappeared

Nothing left but mind and soul

Flesh and materialistic things flew away like butterflies

And I was paralyzed

I’d been made new

I knew what I needed to do

My calling

And my longing to please the Maker

Empty words spoken, don’t mean a thing

But the heart

That’s where it starts

That’s where words form meanings

That’s where I found myself…