My Heart Speaks

Show me your face

I want to see you

I want to see your glory

I want to see your power

This very hour

So do it in me

My heart speaks out right now oh God

I need more than just comfort

I need love

I need affection

I need mercy

Forgiveness and hurt my heart speaks

My heart speaks out right now oh God

I life my voice up and i sing to you in vain

My worship is not enough

My heart speaks to You

I long for Your free acceptance

Your genuine love that far that exceeds man’s character

My heart speaks Lord

I give up

I want to die forever

To this world. To myself. I want to die to everything for You.



I don’t know what to say anymore.

I feel constantly heartbroken and depressed,

Happy and in love,

Then heartbroken and depressed.

Life is full of ups and downs but how is it possible to have more downs than ups?

My valley is getting deeper.


More alone.

More distant.

I don’t know how to stop this.

Five people will try to pull me up and make little progress, then one person can come and blow the slightest and i am further than when they started.

I just want to be able to help myself.

I want to be strong. What people need me to be. For myself. For them. For God…

I say i don’t want much in life, but it seems as tho the one thing that i desperately want right now is so much.

Too much in fact.

Too much to deliver.

I will be patient for it because i don’t have a choice, but i fear that this valley i am in is the only thing keeping me from my desire.

I beg for God to relieve me of this hunger.

To strip away my desire for this one thing…

But to no avail.

Is this a test?

Have i been forgotten?

I feel as tho i will never be heard.

The ceiling is so thick that He will never hear me cry.

The altar is a place my pride withholds me, but i go but ever so often to weep and feel You.

Where were You tonight?

A stranger held me close when i felt most alone.

Was she You in disguise?

She said “if you ever need to talk then call me…”

Those words could’ve been metaphorically You.

You say to talk to You, but i have given up and lost hope, for when i do i don’t hear anything but myself…


Talk to me!

I feel so alone right now and i need You with me 😦

Not even my husband comforts me anymore.

I long for Your presence.

I want peace.

I want Your peace.

Not from man.

I don’t want to go to man anymore for advice and comfort.

Only You.

Strictly You.

New Again


I came empty

I came searching for answers of unknown mysteries

I didn’t know that in only a few hours I would be dramatically changed

Mind warped – then came the time for Torch

And a path was brightened

More than I ever imagined

I couldn’t resist the tears later that night

Begging for a peace that I had needed for quite some time

I needed a leading

I had been waiting and it finally came…

Like my body completely disappeared

Nothing left but mind and soul

Flesh and materialistic things flew away like butterflies

And I was paralyzed

I’d been made new

I knew what I needed to do

My calling

And my longing to please the Maker

Empty words spoken, don’t mean a thing

But the heart

That’s where it starts

That’s where words form meanings

That’s where I found myself…

Habits and Wishes


Spiraling down,
I lost control.
I wonder when
I gain dominance over myself.
My habits and wishes,
Authorizing my actions;
And my desire to stay going the right direction.
I am constantly pulled the wrong way,
No matter how much I try to concentrate;
On what is truly the wisest and smartest decisions;
I need to gain control of worldly wisdom.
They say to follow your heart,
And enact your dreams.
But the heart is wicked
And not as it seems.
If I were to follow it I will drown:
Drown into a sea of abominations;
Things God abhors,
Yet things the world adores…
But i don’t want to be conformed to this world
I want God to look down
And be proud,
Of me, part of his creation,
Not something that is following Satan.
Now I understand this sounds like an exaggeration,
But its not,
If I am a Christian, then i should act like a Christian.
The definition of christian
Is “Christ-like”,
So if I don’t exemplify Christ
I am not a true christian, right?
I am saved yes.
But not always a christian.
My habits and wishes in life
Sometimes they don’t glorify Christ.
Since God is with me everywhere I go
I don’t want to be ashamed of what I show.
That music.
That movie.
That place.
That language.
What you think.
That apparel.
That website history.
That stuff you smoke
That stuff you drink.
Does it glorify God?
Could you see him doing it?
Be honest, ponder this.
A beer bottle in Jesus’ hand?
A cigarette?
How bout piercings or tats?
Now… I have piercings, and I absolutely love tattoos
But I don’t think that’s what God wants me to do.
I don’t believe it’s a sin…
But that has become my conviction
I don’t want to mark up my “temple”
I don’t want to have long conversations with people
About why I have tats
If you doubt it
don’t do it
Because its probably the wrong thing.
Habits and wishes are inborn in us
We need to control it before it controls us.

Words Of Surrender

Praise to God, He is worthy to be Praised!
Honor to God, He is worthy to be honored!
Sing to God, He is worthy to be sung to!

Jesus make me more like you,
Let your light shine straight through me!
What is this You’ve given me?
A heart to serve a voice to sing?
Lord, I give myself to you;
Whatever You say, I will do.

Everything that I see
Was given directly to me.
Why all this when I have done nothing?
A waisted piece of life infested with sin.
I would give up and You’d say to try again.
Why all this when I have done nothing?
And all You say, is that You love me.

The Victorious Christian Life

A foundation
Is only as strong as what its made of.
I want to be rock solid,
But how can I without the right make up?

On my own I am nothing;
No matter how hard I try to become something.
“Something” can’t be made without the Creator’s hand.
Why can’t people understand?

God is in everything we see.
He is the foundation we need.

The solid foundation that I desire
Is right in front of my eyes.
My sight has been seared by the flames of selfishness;
Scorched by the ashes of my own lusts, pride, and envy.
How long will I go on until I reach rock solid?
Only as long as it takes to acknowledge
Why I am here.
I’m not here for me, but for Him.
The One who supplies our every need.
Even the love I have for the love of my life can’t compare to the love He has for me.

So why does oppression take hold of me?
Why do I worry?
When will the grip of the world let go of me?
They do not provide the rock solid foundation I need.
They are made of water. They can’t support anything.
They can’t support a life.
They can’t support a home.
They can’t support a family or a church, No.
So why do I wish for the water they provide?
To quench my thirst of sin, of course.
God, give me the rock solid foundation I need to live the victorious christian life