Try

​Don’t tell me that you are ok

And don’t say your fine, it was only one time.

We both know that you will keep going back to it.

You are controlled, like a puppet.

You are dependent on it

You crave it,

And give in time and time again…

You say it’s harder than you think and use that as an excuse,

To give up

Never try…

That’s why you lose.

How are you supposed to ever become stronger if you never fight

And never have faith in the only thing that will defeat the hardest battles?

I don’t think you care.

I don’t think you want anything different…

You attract nightmares.

Clammy. Waking up in the middle of the night crying. Shaking. Begging God to erase the visions.

You have withdrawals and use wine and alcohol to help you cope.

If you life is so happy why do you have to escape?

Why not be sober?

Soak up the moment?

It’s because you are miserable. But you are addicted to misery.

And you want to change. But you don’t. 

You are at war and in conflict about what life you want.

Heartache and pain is addicting…

And true happiness seems to take work.

So you stop trying.

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