Dear X, I Love You

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Dear X
ive known you for as long as i can remember
and i know you will probably never read this, but let me just say
i think about you all the time
when i wake, to when i go to bed, you are whats on my mind
ever since you left, and moved away
i remember staying up late thinking about the day
that you would come back
pick me up
swing me in the air and make me your princess
hug me so tight i forget to breathe
you are my fresh breath of air, youre all i need
oxygen is like a toxic poison compared to what your love provides me
if only you knew
the love i have for you
but instead you are oblivious
youve been in and out of pointless relationships
because you are looking for love,
but what you dont understand
is love, has been wating for you
love has been on your doorstep just wating on the day you open your door
i remember when i had no friends and you would invite me in
time and time again
no matter how weird i may have seemed to others
you looked at me for what i truly was inside,
and helped me push away the tears i tried to hide
i had so much hurt because i waas never accepted
and to tell you the truth
i still am finding it hard to be accepted
but thats ok
i can live with that
i dont need a thousand ”friends”
i need people to be with me to the end
and the loyal support ive seen you give people
and the heart you pour out shows your compassion
it makes me melt
to be with someone as genuine as you, for the rest of my life
its all i could ever ask for
and if you are reading this
i love you
i want you
i have wated for you
and until you come, i will continue wating for you

Dear x, please dont give up the fight
i know you have pain inside
you have been left too many a time
i know all you want is to feel loved and secured
and i can provide that for you in a heartbeat
dear x, i am here for you
and as long as it takes for you to realize that i love you,
i will be a shoulder for you, and a supporter of you, and a friend to you.
dear x, i love you.

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Contemplating Death

Beautifully written. This guy has some amazing poetry 🙂

Poems

Just where death is expecting you
is something we cannot know;
so, for your part, expect him everywhere.
—- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

With the weight of solitude in my heart
and a taste of emptiness in my mouth,
I drown in an ocean of idleness
to look back at the years being spent since I was born!

How much courage must I have, to admit
that my life has been through its golden days by now?
Should have learned to let go, yet here I am
still clinging to my dreams, though why I do not know!

Life is beautiful no doubt but death is prettier,
a thousandfold at least, for beauty can not be
as fragile and ephemeral as human life!

But death is like the portals of eternity,
calm and never faltering, while my flesh and skin
start decaying to free my soul, imprisoned inside!

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You Walked Away

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Don’t worry about me
I’m a way better person than to give into irrelevant feelings
My feelings don’t matter
At least that’s how I feel sometimes
I haven’t cried in what seems like forever
Because I’m numb to the emptiness inside
Your love is like a tonic
It cures every disease in my body
I am a tarnished creature
With a wicked heart
And a dirty mind
You cleanse me and make me whole
But only lasted for a short time
Ephemeral
Evanescent
You are what I relent
You made me so happy and so high
But when you left I became dead inside
You brought me so far just to drop me below
Now I am in what feels like hell
Why do you go?
I loved you!
I was there for you!
I cared for you and I carried you through disaster
When to storms came we stood like a stronghold
Nothing would overpower us
Because we were bound by the chains of eternal love
But that chain broke
My heart broke
I broke
And you didn’t care
As if we had never ever shared eye contact for the first time
You walked away
As if we never met
You walked away
As if you never loved me
You walked away
And now I am a hollow soul
Because you walked away

Antagonist

Why do I worry what others think of me
Because it doesn’t matter at all all what they think
What I believe
And what I stand for
What I am convicted about
And what I’m not convicted about
What I dress like
What I listen to
What I say
And where I go to
Its my choice
Others have no say in what I do
I’m not being immoral
I’m not swearing left and right
I’m not watching porn videos and partying all night
So why do I care what they think of me??
Those people with no problems
DO Have problems
We all have our issues
So why point fingers?
Why preach at one another?
Point one finger at me and five point back to you
Worry about yourself and not what others do
I hold myself to high enough standards
Going any higher and my head would explode from all the pressure
I am happy where I am
And i am satisfied where i stand
Not being all high and mighty doesn’t make you a better person
It makes you someone that no one can stand
They can’t be around a hypocritical person
Saying one thing
And doing another
Or maybe even sticking to it and being the most boring person ever
I won’t be like that
I’m not going to be this picture perfect christian
I refuse to limit myself to what you say
is the correct way
The right way
And the only way
That’s not okay
And there is no way
That I will ever again try to be like that
I have learned a lot about myself
And I have learned why my happiness has been gone
My joy has been stalled
Like a lemon junker clunker on the side of the road
My true happiness for a couple months now has been froze
But I found out tonight what was the cause
Its when I decided to give up what you said I needed to get rid of
You made me throw a part of me away
But I have brought it back
And there’s nothing off track now
I am back to my normal self
And there’s not stopping me now
Take me as I am
Or not at all
Take me for what I am
Or move right along
I won’t waste my time on some fun sucker perfectionist
So go find someone else
And be their antagonist.

What The Mind Sees

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Drifting off to sleep
Eyes closing
Darkness evolves into light
Shining bright to reveal a dream
About anything the mind wonders off to
Daisies and pastures
Or the ocean and its creatures
Quite possibly death and torture
Or Hell with no rapture
Happy things can become a nightmare
When the mind is numb
To lighthearted things,
Positive and good things

A nightmare is like prison
Entrapment and hell
Not seeing a way out
No control over your fate
You just know that at some point
death will find you
And you can scream
but find you voice is silent
You can punch
but find your strength is gone
You can run
but never fast enough to escape your nightmare
It controls you
The nightmare controls your fate
It controls when you will awake

Shaking and trembling often follows
With tears from fear that death could’ve swallowed
You whole
Could’ve killed you
With no way out
It had no better victim than you
But it set you free
It awoke you from your dream
To have a better fight
In real life
Death didn’t want to take you out when you were asleep
That would be too easy
So it crossed over the dimension
Between what is real and what is in the mind
It could all just be an illusion
But the mind is so powerful it tells you otherwise
Death in human form
Standing at the end of your bed
Looking down at you with a knife in hand
You swallow hard
The rock the formed in your throat
Sharp as the razor blade you will be sliced with
You hear a gravelly voice saying to close your eyes
That you don’t want to see death end your life
Close your eyes
Think of a better place
The mind is powerful
And is your way of escape.

Faith

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Faith unravelling
As she falls yet again
Pleading God to help her
Regain her strength
Strength to keep on going
Strength to keep believing
To ignore the Devil’s devices and temptations to lose faith…
She wants to give up
But she wants to endure the fight
Ensure a victory
And not to lose sight
Of the one true God who battles for her acceptance
For her belief in Him alone.
With the path so hard
And the road so long
She struggles so much
To just move on
The boulders of the world full of sin are too heavy to bear
The fog of all the self-pleasures, hide all the shame that follows
But hindsight that none of the paths will be easy,
And the only way to make it through
Is by God’s love and mercy
Be still and know
That God will protect
God won’t neglect
His child in need
He hears our cries
And He wipes our eyes
He seals the wounds when we fall and make mistakes
By his blood we are healed completely
By the sacrifice he made
Faith in God should never be doubted
But time and time again is
Why when He has failed to leave our side?
The demons that oppress
Can make such a mess
Warping our minds
To believe that God left us for some time.
When the seas are treacherous
and the way is rough
Look to God above
See Him staring back down
See his hands under you
See His arms blocking disaster
See his smiling face
He lovingly cares for you!
Never doubt it
Never forget it
Keep it fresh in your mind and heart that God died for you
He was made a Crucifix for you
Hung to a tree
To brutally die for every being

His holy body ripped to shreds
So horrendous He became unrecognizable as a human

His righteous head,
Spat upon and and disgraced by the world

His perfect side
Pierced for our transgressions

He was bruised for our iniquities
The weight of hell was upon Him
The way to Heaven was paid by Him
And we doubt His existence
We doubt His ability
To help pay a college bill, weekly groceries and
An insurance plan for families
He offers the ultimate insurance plan
Its free
He already paid for it
Accept it!
It lasts for eternity!
All damage that is done
Will be not only perfected-
But replaced
Our bodies made new
Our scars and disabilities down the drain
All it takes is faith
Believe on Jesus’s name!
And be saved
From sin
From the incarceration of depression
From the temptations in life
From the world itself that causes harm in many ways…
All it takes is faith
Believe and be free
Forever

What It Could’ve Been

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I want you more than ever before
But you are out of my reach
You are not an option
You are too great a cost for what I would receive
I begged for you
But begged in vain
So I finally moved on and settled for something plain
Time has passed and here I am looking at you again
Mouth drooling
Wishing I could be with you
Eyes teary
Wishing I could be with you
Heart breaking again
Wishing I could just be with you
For one year
For one month
Anything
To get out of this bunch
This hold reality has
These chains I grab
pulling left and right they cut deep into my flesh
Chains of longing
For something I should’ve gotten
But was taken
From me
From another’s selfishness
Another’s ignorance
Someone who betrayed my life story
To fulfill their own wickedness
I lost out on an amazing pleasure
My life was set!
It was going to be great!
But now I am stuck here
And it sucks
Going somewhere I never thought of
Settling for less isn’t my forte
But I guess its time to start excepting it
I gotta roll with the punches
and drink it
Swallow it
hard
Gulp it down before it comes back up
A ball forms in my throat at the sight of what things could’ve been
Snatched right out of my cold weak hand
I didn’t even have a choice to make
It was all in someone else’s hands
They ruined things for me
And forgiving them is a hard thing
Holding a grudge is against my morals
But it is now prevailing in my mind
I find myself wanting to cry
Thinking of what it could’ve been!
Oh how great it could’ve been…

Death Of Me

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The death of me
I would have to say, sadly,
Is me
None other than myself
My eyes control me.
My ears control me
My feet control me.
My mind controls me.
I can’t help it…
Nothing can sway me.
A blessing and a curse, tho
I bid it very much a woe
That my mind is profane
And my heart is dirty
Cleansing them daily is a tiring necessity
But they as well also control me.
I find myself to be wicked and hypocritical
Being forceful one day,
In the Biblical way,
But the very next day
Shoving awful things into my being
Showing a loss of character
Losing my dignity
All of my small amount of pride
Gone in the blink of an eye.
I shrivel to hide my shame
My sin nature is to blame
I need freedom from the chains of myself
The death of me is me
And sometimes I can’t cont control me
My flesh is so very powerful
As a normal human being
I can’t control it alone
I need a lock to lock my thoughts away
I need a hand to guide me through the valleys
I need a voice to tell me its okay
I need the God in heaven to continuously show me
That I am the death of me.
I am wicked
I will kill myself without intending it
The prince of the
Is world oppresses me
Changes my ways of thinking
Makes me believe in him,
Not the Father,
I need to be a more faithful daughter.
Trusting in Him gives a peace like no other.

Rainstorm

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The gloominess outside continued
As the gray clouds overhead
Built up
More
More

The sun striving to break through
But fails
As the thunder begins to sound
Lightning strike
Hitting the ground

Sheets of foggy glass
Pouring down very fast
The rain
Pour
Pour
Beats the grass

Like gravel falling from the sky
Hail proceeds from the storms dark eye
Falling down
The hail
Fall
Fall
Making a drumming sound

One hour pass and the rain subsides
Branches from the wind show mother nature’s alive
The sun peaks through and the clouds roll away
Leaving nature to enjoy a beautiful day